Enter Viola and ⌜Feste, the Fool, playing a tabor.⌝VIOLA Save thee, friend, and thy music. Dost thou live by thy tabor?FOOL No, sir, I live by the church.VIOLA Art thou a churchman?FOOL 5No such matter, sir. I do live by the church, for I do live at my house, and my house doth stand by the church.VIOLA So thou mayst say the ⌜king⌝ lies by a beggar if a beggar dwell near him, or the church stands by thy10 tabor if thy tabor stand by the church.FOOL You have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is but a chev’ril glove to a good wit. How quickly the wrong side may be turned outward!VIOLA Nay, that’s certain. They that dally nicely with15 words may quickly make them wanton.FOOL I would therefore my sister had had no name, sir.VIOLA Why, man?FOOL Why, sir, her name’s a word, and to dally with20 that word might make my sister wanton. But, indeed, words are very rascals since bonds disgraced them.VIOLA Thy reason, man?
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FOOL Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words,25 and words are grown so false I am loath to prove reason with them.VIOLA I warrant thou art a merry fellow and car’st for nothing.FOOL Not so, sir. I do care for something. But in my30 conscience, sir, I do not care for you. If that be to care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you invisible.VIOLA Art not thou the Lady Olivia’s Fool?FOOL No, indeed, sir. The Lady Olivia has no folly. She35 will keep no Fool, sir, till she be married, and Fools are as like husbands as pilchers are to herrings: the husband’s the bigger. I am indeed not her Fool but her corrupter of words.VIOLA I saw thee late at the Count Orsino’s.FOOL 40Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun; it shines everywhere. I would be sorry, sir, but the Fool should be as oft with your master as with my mistress. I think I saw your Wisdom there.VIOLA Nay, an thou pass upon me, I’ll no more with45 thee. Hold, there’s expenses for thee. ⌜Giving a
coin.⌝FOOL Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard!VIOLA By my troth I’ll tell thee, I am almost sick for one, ⌜aside⌝ though I would not have it grow on my50 chin.—Is thy lady within?FOOL Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?VIOLA Yes, being kept together and put to use.FOOL I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to bring a Cressida to this Troilus.VIOLA 55I understand you, sir. ’Tis well begged. ⌜Giving
another coin.⌝FOOL The matter I hope is not great, sir, begging but a beggar: Cressida was a beggar. My lady is within, sir.
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I will conster to them whence you come. Who you are and what you would are out of my welkin—I60 might say “element,” but the word is overworn.He exits.VIOLA This fellow is wise enough to play the Fool, And to do that well craves a kind of wit. He must observe their mood on whom he jests, The quality of persons, and the time,65 And, like the haggard, check at every feather That comes before his eye. This is a practice As full of labor as a wise man’s art: For folly that he wisely shows is fit; But ⌜wise men,⌝ folly-fall’n, quite taint their wit.Enter Sir Toby and Andrew.TOBY 70Save you, gentleman.VIOLA And you, sir.ANDREW Dieu vous garde, monsieur.VIOLA Et vous aussi. Votre serviteur! ANDREW I hope, sir, you are, and I am yours.TOBY 75Will you encounter the house? My niece is desirous you should enter, if your trade be to her.VIOLA I am bound to your niece, sir; I mean, she is the list of my voyage.TOBY Taste your legs, sir; put them to motion.VIOLA 80My legs do better understand me, sir, than I understand what you mean by bidding me taste my legs.TOBY I mean, to go, sir, to enter.VIOLA I will answer you with gait and entrance—but85 we are prevented.Enter Olivia, and ⌜Maria, her⌝ Gentlewoman. Most excellent accomplished lady, the heavens rain odors on you!
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ANDREW, ⌜aside⌝ That youth’s a rare courtier. “Rain odors,” well.VIOLA 90My matter hath no voice, lady, but to your own most pregnant and vouchsafed ear.ANDREW, ⌜aside⌝ “Odors,” “pregnant,” and “vouchsafed.” I’ll get ’em all three all ready.OLIVIA Let the garden door be shut, and leave me to95 my hearing.⌜Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Maria exit.⌝ Give me your hand, sir.VIOLA My duty, madam, and most humble service.OLIVIA What is your name?VIOLA Cesario is your servant’s name, fair princess.OLIVIA 100 My servant, sir? ’Twas never merry world Since lowly feigning was called compliment. You’re servant to the Count Orsino, youth.VIOLA And he is yours, and his must needs be yours. Your servant’s servant is your servant, madam.OLIVIA 105 For him, I think not on him. For his thoughts, Would they were blanks rather than filled with me.VIOLA Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts On his behalf.OLIVIA O, by your leave, I pray you.110 I bade you never speak again of him. But would you undertake another suit, I had rather hear you to solicit that Than music from the spheres.VIOLA Dear lady—OLIVIA 115 Give me leave, beseech you. I did send, After the last enchantment you did here,
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A ring in chase of you. So did I abuse Myself, my servant, and, I fear me, you. Under your hard construction must I sit,120 To force that on you in a shameful cunning Which you knew none of yours. What might you think? Have you not set mine honor at the stake And baited it with all th’ unmuzzled thoughts125 That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receiving Enough is shown. A cypress, not a bosom, Hides my heart. So, let me hear you speak.VIOLA I pity you.OLIVIA 130 That’s a degree to love.VIOLA No, not a grize, for ’tis a vulgar proof That very oft we pity enemies.OLIVIA Why then methinks ’tis time to smile again. O world, how apt the poor are to be proud!135 If one should be a prey, how much the better To fall before the lion than the wolf.Clock strikes. The clock upbraids me with the waste of time. Be not afraid, good youth, I will not have you. And yet when wit and youth is come to harvest,140 Your wife is like to reap a proper man. There lies your way, due west.VIOLA Then westward ho! Grace and good disposition attend your Ladyship. You’ll nothing, madam, to my lord by me?OLIVIA 145 Stay. I prithee, tell me what thou think’st of me.VIOLA That you do think you are not what you are.
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OLIVIA If I think so, I think the same of you.VIOLA Then think you right. I am not what I am.OLIVIA I would you were as I would have you be.VIOLA 150 Would it be better, madam, than I am? I wish it might, for now I am your fool.OLIVIA, ⌜aside⌝ O, what a deal of scorn looks beautiful In the contempt and anger of his lip! A murd’rous guilt shows not itself more soon155 Than love that would seem hid. Love’s night is noon.— Cesario, by the roses of the spring, By maidhood, honor, truth, and everything, I love thee so, that, maugre all thy pride,160 Nor wit nor reason can my passion hide. Do not extort thy reasons from this clause, For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause; But rather reason thus with reason fetter: Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.VIOLA 165 By innocence I swear, and by my youth, I have one heart, one bosom, and one truth, And that no woman has, nor never none Shall mistress be of it, save I alone. And so adieu, good madam. Nevermore170 Will I my master’s tears to you deplore.OLIVIA Yet come again, for thou perhaps mayst move That heart, which now abhors, to like his love.They exit ⌜in different directions.⌝
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