Enter Cressida and her man ⌜Alexander.⌝CRESSIDA Who were those went by?ALEXANDER Queen Hecuba and Helen.CRESSIDA And whither go they?ALEXANDER Up to the eastern tower,5 Whose height commands as subject all the vale, To see the battle. Hector, whose patience Is as a virtue fixed, today was moved. He chid Andromache and struck his armorer; And, like as there were husbandry in war,10 Before the sun rose he was harnessed light, And to the field goes he, where every flower Did as a prophet weep what it foresaw In Hector’s wrath.CRESSIDA What was his cause of anger?ALEXANDER 15 The noise goes, this: there is among the Greeks A lord of Trojan blood, nephew to Hector. They call him Ajax.CRESSIDA Good; and what of him?
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ALEXANDER They say he is a very man per se20 And stands alone.CRESSIDA So do all men unless ⟨they⟩ are drunk, sick, or have no legs.ALEXANDER This man, lady, hath robbed many beasts of their particular additions. He is as valiant as the25 lion, churlish as the bear, slow as the elephant, a man into whom nature hath so crowded humors that his valor is crushed into folly, his folly sauced with discretion. There is no man hath a virtue that he hath not a glimpse of, nor any man an attaint30 but he carries some stain of it. He is melancholy without cause and merry against the hair. He hath the joints of everything, but everything so out of joint that he is a gouty Briareus, many hands and no use, or purblind Argus, all eyes and no sight.CRESSIDA 35But how should this man that makes me smile make Hector angry?ALEXANDER They say he yesterday coped Hector in the battle and struck him down, the disdain and shame whereof hath ever since kept Hector fasting40 and waking.⟨Enter Pandarus.⟩CRESSIDA Who comes here?ALEXANDER Madam, your Uncle Pandarus.CRESSIDA Hector’s a gallant man.ALEXANDER As may be in the world, lady.PANDARUS 45What’s that? What’s that?CRESSIDA Good morrow, Uncle Pandarus.PANDARUS Good morrow, Cousin Cressid. What do you talk of?— Good morrow, Alexander.—How do you, cousin? When were you at Ilium?CRESSIDA 50This morning, uncle.
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PANDARUS What were you talking of when I came? Was Hector armed and gone ere you came to Ilium? Helen was not up, was she?CRESSIDA Hector was gone, but Helen was not up.PANDARUS 55E’en so. Hector was stirring early.CRESSIDA That were we talking of, and of his anger.PANDARUS Was he angry?CRESSIDA So he says here.PANDARUS True, he was so. I know the cause too. He’ll60 lay about him today, I can tell them that; and there’s Troilus will not come far behind him. Let them take heed of Troilus, I can tell them that too.CRESSIDA What, is he angry too?PANDARUS Who, Troilus? Troilus is the better man of65 the two.CRESSIDA O Jupiter, there’s no comparison.PANDARUS What, not between Troilus and Hector? Do you know a man if you see him?CRESSIDA Ay, if I ever saw him before and knew him.PANDARUS 70Well, I say Troilus is Troilus.CRESSIDA Then you say as I say, for I am sure he is not Hector.PANDARUS No, nor Hector is not Troilus in some degrees.CRESSIDA ’Tis just to each of them; he is himself.PANDARUS 75Himself? Alas, poor Troilus, I would he were.CRESSIDA So he is.PANDARUS Condition I had gone barefoot to India.CRESSIDA He is not Hector.PANDARUS Himself? No, he’s not himself. Would he80 were himself! Well, the gods are above. Time must friend or end. Well, Troilus, well, I would my heart were in her body. No, Hector is not a better man than Troilus.CRESSIDA Excuse me.PANDARUS 85He is elder.CRESSIDA Pardon me, pardon me.
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PANDARUS Th’ other’s not come to ’t. You shall tell me another tale when th’ other’s come to ’t. Hector shall not have his ⌜wit⌝ this year.CRESSIDA 90He shall not need it, if he have his own.PANDARUS Nor his qualities.CRESSIDA No matter.PANDARUS Nor his beauty.CRESSIDA ’Twould not become him. His own ’s better.PANDARUS 95You have no judgment, niece. Helen herself swore th’ other day that Troilus, for a brown favor— for so ’tis, I must confess—not brown neither—CRESSIDA No, but brown.PANDARUS Faith, to say truth, brown and not brown.CRESSIDA 100To say the truth, true and not true.PANDARUS She praised his complexion above Paris’.CRESSIDA Why, Paris hath color enough.PANDARUS So he has.CRESSIDA Then Troilus should have too much. If she105 praised him above, his complexion is higher than his. He having color enough, and the other higher, is too flaming a praise for a good complexion. I had as lief Helen’s golden tongue had commended Troilus for a copper nose.PANDARUS 110I swear to you, I think Helen loves him better than Paris.CRESSIDA Then she’s a merry Greek indeed.PANDARUS Nay, I am sure she does. She came to him th’ other day into the compassed window—and115 you know he has not past three or four hairs on his chin—CRESSIDA Indeed, a tapster’s arithmetic may soon bring his particulars therein to a total.PANDARUS Why, he is very young, and yet will he within120 three pound ⟨lift⟩ as much as his brother Hector.CRESSIDA Is he so young a man and so old a lifter?
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PANDARUS But to prove to you that Helen loves him: she came and puts me her white hand to his cloven chin—CRESSIDA 125Juno have mercy! How came it cloven?PANDARUS Why, you know ’tis dimpled. I think his smiling becomes him better than any man in all Phrygia.CRESSIDA O, he smiles valiantly.PANDARUS 130Does he not?CRESSIDA O yes, an ’twere a cloud in autumn.PANDARUS Why, go to, then. But to prove to you that Helen loves Troilus—CRESSIDA Troilus will stand to ⌜the⌝ proof if you’ll135 prove it so.PANDARUS Troilus? Why, he esteems her no more than I esteem an addle egg.CRESSIDA If you love an addle egg as well as you love an idle head, you would eat chickens i’ th’ shell.PANDARUS 140I cannot choose but laugh to think how she tickled his chin. Indeed, she has a marvellous white hand, I must needs confess—CRESSIDA Without the rack.PANDARUS And she takes upon her to spy a white hair145 on his chin.CRESSIDA Alas, poor chin! Many a wart is richer.PANDARUS But there was such laughing! Queen Hecuba laughed that her eyes ran o’er—CRESSIDA With millstones.PANDARUS 150And Cassandra laughed—CRESSIDA But there was a more temperate fire under the pot of her eyes. Did her eyes run o’er too?PANDARUS And Hector laughed.CRESSIDA At what was all this laughing?PANDARUS 155Marry, at the white hair that Helen spied on Troilus’ chin.
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CRESSIDA An ’t had been a green hair, I should have laughed too.PANDARUS They laughed not so much at the hair as at160 his pretty answer.CRESSIDA What was his answer?PANDARUS Quoth she “Here’s but two-and-fifty hairs on your chin, and one of them is white.”CRESSIDA This is her question.PANDARUS 165That’s true, make no question of that. “Two-and-fifty hairs,” quoth he, “and one white. That white hair is my father, and all the rest are his sons.” “Jupiter!” quoth she, “which of these hairs is Paris, my husband?” “The forked one,” quoth he.170 “Pluck ’t out, and give it him.” But there was such laughing, and Helen so blushed, and Paris so chafed, and all the rest so laughed that it passed.CRESSIDA So let it now, for it has been a great while going by.PANDARUS 175Well, cousin, I told you a thing yesterday. Think on ’t.CRESSIDA So I do.PANDARUS I’ll be sworn ’tis true. He will weep you an ’twere a man born in April.CRESSIDA 180And I’ll spring up in his tears an ’twere a nettle against May.Sound a retreat.PANDARUS Hark, they are coming from the field. Shall we stand up here and see them as they pass toward Ilium? Good niece, do, sweet niece Cressida.CRESSIDA 185At your pleasure.PANDARUS Here, here, here’s an excellent place. Here we may see most bravely. I’ll tell you them all by their names as they pass by, but mark Troilus above the rest.⌜They cross the stage; Alexander exits.⌝CRESSIDA 190Speak not so loud.
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Enter Aeneas ⌜and crosses the stage.⌝PANDARUS That’s Aeneas. Is not that a brave man? He’s one of the flowers of Troy, I can tell you. But mark Troilus; you shall see anon.Enter Antenor ⌜and crosses the stage.⌝CRESSIDA Who’s that?PANDARUS 195That’s Antenor. He has a shrewd wit, I can tell you, and he’s ⟨a⟩ man good enough. He’s one o’ th’ soundest judgments in Troy whosoever; and a proper man of person. When comes Troilus? I’ll show you Troilus anon. If he see me, you shall see200 him nod at me.CRESSIDA Will he give you the nod?PANDARUS You shall see.CRESSIDA If he do, the rich shall have more.Enter Hector ⌜and crosses the stage.⌝PANDARUS That’s Hector, that, that, look you, that.205 There’s a fellow!—Go thy way, Hector!—There’s a brave man, niece. O brave Hector! Look how he looks. There’s a countenance! Is ’t not a brave man?CRESSIDA O, a brave man!PANDARUS Is he not? It does a ⟨man’s⟩ heart good. Look210 you what hacks are on his helmet. Look you yonder, do you see? Look you there. There’s no jesting; there’s laying on, take ’t off who will, as they say. There be hacks.CRESSIDA Be those with swords?PANDARUS 215Swords, anything, he cares not. An the devil come to him, it’s all one. By God’s lid, it does one’s heart good.Enter Paris ⌜and crosses the stage.⌝ Yonder comes Paris, yonder comes Paris! Look you yonder, niece. Is ’t not a gallant man too? Is ’t not?
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220 Why, this is brave now. Who said he came hurt home today? He’s not hurt. Why, this will do Helen’s heart good now, ha? Would I could see Troilus now! You shall see Troilus anon.Enter Helenus ⌜and crosses the stage.⌝CRESSIDA Who’s that?PANDARUS 225That’s Helenus. I marvel where Troilus is. That’s Helenus. I think he went not forth today. That’s Helenus.CRESSIDA Can Helenus fight, uncle?PANDARUS Helenus? No. Yes, he’ll fight indifferent230 well. I marvel where Troilus is. Hark, do you not hear the people cry “Troilus”? Helenus is a priest.Enter Troilus ⌜and crosses the stage.⌝CRESSIDA What sneaking fellow comes yonder?PANDARUS Where? Yonder? That’s Deiphobus. ’Tis Troilus! There’s a man, niece. Hem! Brave Troilus,235 the prince of chivalry!CRESSIDA Peace, for shame, peace.PANDARUS Mark him. Note him. O brave Troilus! Look well upon him, niece. Look you how his sword is bloodied and his helm more hacked than Hector’s,240 and how he looks, and how he goes. O admirable youth! He never saw three and twenty.—Go thy way, Troilus; go thy way!—Had I a sister were a Grace, or a daughter a goddess, he should take his choice. O admirable man! Paris? Paris is dirt to245 him; and I warrant Helen, to change, would give an eye to boot.⟨Enter Common Soldiers ⌜and cross the stage.⌝⟩CRESSIDA Here comes more.PANDARUS Asses, fools, dolts, chaff and bran, chaff and bran, porridge after meat. I could live and die in
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250 the eyes of Troilus. Ne’er look, ne’er look; the eagles are gone. Crows and daws, crows and daws! I had rather be such a man as Troilus than Agamemnon and all Greece.CRESSIDA There is amongst the Greeks Achilles, a better255 man than Troilus.PANDARUS Achilles? A drayman, a porter, a very camel!CRESSIDA Well, well.PANDARUS “Well, well”? Why, have you any discretion? Have you any eyes? Do you know what a man is? Is260 not birth, beauty, good shape, discourse, manhood, learning, gentleness, virtue, youth, liberality and such-like the spice and salt that season a man?CRESSIDA Ay, a minced man; and then to be baked with no date in the pie, for then the man’s date is out.PANDARUS 265You are such a woman a man knows not at what ward you lie.CRESSIDA Upon my back to defend my belly, upon my wit to defend my wiles, upon my secrecy to defend mine honesty, my mask to defend my beauty, and270 you to defend all these; and at all these wards I lie, at a thousand watches.PANDARUS Say one of your watches.CRESSIDA Nay, I’ll watch you for that, and that’s one of the chiefest of them too. If I cannot ward what I275 would not have hit, I can watch you for telling how I took the blow—unless it swell past hiding, and then it’s past watching.PANDARUS You are such another!Enter ⌜Troilus’s⌝ Boy.BOY Sir, my lord would instantly speak with you.PANDARUS 280Where?BOY At your own house. There he unarms him.PANDARUS Good boy, tell him I come.⌜Boy exits.⌝ I doubt he be hurt.—Fare you well, good niece.
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CRESSIDA Adieu, uncle.PANDARUS 285I will be with you, niece, by and by.CRESSIDA To bring, uncle?PANDARUS Ay, a token from Troilus.CRESSIDA By the same token, you are a bawd.⟨Pandarus exits.⟩ Words, vows, gifts, tears, and love’s full sacrifice290 He offers in another’s enterprise; But more in Troilus thousandfold I see Than in the glass of Pandar’s praise may be. Yet hold I off. Women are angels, wooing; Things won are done; joy’s soul lies in the doing.295 That she beloved knows naught that knows not this: Men prize the thing ungained more than it is. That she was never yet that ever knew Love got so sweet as when desire did sue. Therefore this maxim out of love I teach:300 Achievement is command; ungained, beseech. Then though my heart’s content firm love doth bear, Nothing of that shall from mine eyes appear.She exits.
Troilus and Cressida
