Enter Pandarus and Troilus.TROILUS Call here my varlet; I’ll unarm again. Why should I war without the walls of Troy That find such cruel battle here within? Each Trojan that is master of his heart,5 Let him to field; Troilus, alas, hath none.PANDARUS Will this gear ne’er be mended?TROILUS The Greeks are strong and skilful to their strength, Fierce to their skill, and to their fierceness valiant; But I am weaker than a woman’s tear,10 Tamer than sleep, fonder than ignorance, Less valiant than the virgin in the night, And skilless as unpracticed infancy.PANDARUS Well, I have told you enough of this. For my part, I’ll not meddle nor make no farther. He that will15 have a cake out of the wheat must tarry the grinding.TROILUS Have I not tarried?PANDARUS Ay, the grinding; but you must tarry the bolting.TROILUS Have I not tarried?PANDARUS 20Ay, the bolting; but you must tarry the leavening.
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TROILUS Still have I tarried.PANDARUS Ay, to the leavening; but here’s yet in the word hereafter the kneading, the making of the cake, the25 heating the oven, and the baking. Nay, you must stay the cooling too, or you may chance burn your lips.TROILUS Patience herself, what goddess e’er she be, Doth lesser blench at suff’rance than I do. At Priam’s royal table do I sit30 And when fair Cressid comes into my thoughts— So, traitor! “⌜When⌝ she comes”? When ⌜is she⌝ thence?PANDARUS Well, she looked yesternight fairer than ever I saw her look, or any woman else.TROILUS 35 I was about to tell thee: when my heart, As wedgèd with a sigh, would rive in twain, Lest Hector or my father should perceive me, I have, as when the sun doth light a-scorn, Buried this sigh in wrinkle of a smile;40 But sorrow that is couched in seeming gladness Is like that mirth fate turns to sudden sadness.PANDARUS An her hair were not somewhat darker than Helen’s—well, go to—there were no more comparison between the women. But, for my part, she is45 my kinswoman; I would not, as they term it, praise her, but I would somebody had heard her talk yesterday, as I did. I will not dispraise your sister Cassandra’s wit, but—TROILUS O, Pandarus! I tell thee, Pandarus:50 When I do tell thee there my hopes lie drowned, Reply not in how many fathoms deep They lie indrenched. I tell thee I am mad In Cressid’s love. Thou answer’st she is fair; Pourest in the open ulcer of my heart
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55 Her eyes, her hair, her cheek, her gait, her voice; Handiest in thy discourse—O—that her hand, In whose comparison all whites are ink Writing their own reproach, to whose soft seizure The cygnet’s down is harsh, and spirit of sense60 Hard as the palm of plowman. This thou tell’st me, As true thou tell’st me, when I say I love her. But, saying thus, instead of oil and balm Thou lay’st in every gash that love hath given me The knife that made it.PANDARUS 65I speak no more than truth.TROILUS Thou dost not speak so much.PANDARUS Faith, I’ll not meddle in it. Let her be as she is. If she be fair, ’tis the better for her; an she be not, she has the mends in her own hands.TROILUS 70Good Pandarus—how now, Pandarus?PANDARUS I have had my labor for my travail, ill thought on of her, and ill thought ⟨on⟩ of you; gone between and between, but small thanks for my labor.TROILUS What, art thou angry, Pandarus? What, with75 me?PANDARUS Because she’s kin to me, therefore she’s not so fair as Helen; an she were ⟨not⟩ kin to me, she would be as fair o’ Friday as Helen is on Sunday. But what ⟨care⟩ I? I care not an she were a blackamoor;80 ’tis all one to me.TROILUS Say I she is not fair?PANDARUS I do not care whether you do or no. She’s a fool to stay behind her father. Let her to the Greeks, and so I’ll tell her the next time I see her. For my85 part, I’ll meddle nor make no more i’ th’ matter.TROILUS Pandarus—PANDARUS Not I.TROILUS Sweet Pandarus—PANDARUS Pray you speak no more to me. I will leave90 all as I found it, and there an end.He exits.
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Sound alarum.TROILUS Peace, you ungracious clamors! Peace, rude sounds! Fools on both sides! Helen must needs be fair When with your blood you daily paint her thus. I cannot fight upon this argument;95 It is too starved a subject for my sword. But Pandarus—O gods, how do you plague me! I cannot come to Cressid but by Pandar, And he’s as tetchy to be wooed to woo As she is stubborn-chaste against all suit.100 Tell me, Apollo, for thy Daphnes love, What Cressid is, what Pandar, and what we. Her bed is India; there she lies, a pearl. Between our Ilium and where she resides, Let it be called the wild and wand’ring flood,105 Ourself the merchant, and this sailing Pandar Our doubtful hope, our convoy, and our bark.Alarum. Enter Aeneas.AENEAS How now, Prince Troilus? Wherefore not afield?TROILUS Because not there. This woman’s answer sorts, For womanish it is to be from thence.110 What news, Aeneas, from the field today?AENEAS That Paris is returnèd home, and hurt.TROILUS By whom, Aeneas?AENEAS Troilus, by Menelaus.TROILUS Let Paris bleed. ’Tis but a scar to scorn;115 Paris is gored with Menelaus’ horn.Alarum.
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AENEAS Hark what good sport is out of town today!TROILUS Better at home, if “would I might” were “may.” But to the sport abroad. Are you bound thither?AENEAS In all swift haste.TROILUS 120 Come, go we then together.They exit.