Enter Lance, ⌜with his dog, Crab.⌝LANCE When a man’s servant shall play the cur with him, look you, it goes hard—one that I brought up of a puppy, one that I saved from drowning when three or four of his blind brothers and sisters went5 to it. I have taught him even as one would say precisely “Thus I would teach a dog.” I was sent to
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deliver him as a present to Mistress Sylvia from my master; and I came no sooner into the dining chamber but he steps me to her trencher and steals10 her capon’s leg. O, ’tis a foul thing when a cur cannot keep himself in all companies! I would have, as one should say, one that takes upon him to be a dog indeed; to be, as it were, a dog at all things. If I had not had more wit than he, to take a fault upon15 me that he did, I think verily he had been hanged for ’t. Sure as I live, he had suffered for ’t. You shall judge. He thrusts me himself into the company of three or four gentlemanlike dogs under the Duke’s table; he had not been there—bless the mark!—a20 pissing while but all the chamber smelt him. “Out with the dog!” says one. “What cur is that?” says another. “Whip him out!” says the third. “Hang him up!” says the Duke. I, having been acquainted with the smell before, knew it was Crab, and goes me to25 the fellow that whips the dogs. “Friend,” quoth I, “You mean to whip the dog?” “Ay, marry, do I,” quoth he. “You do him the more wrong,” quoth I. “’Twas I did the thing you wot of.” He makes me no more ado but whips me out of the chamber. How30 many masters would do this for his servant? Nay, I’ll be sworn I have sat in the stocks for puddings he hath stolen; otherwise he had been executed. I have stood on the pillory for geese he hath killed; otherwise he had suffered for ’t. ⌜To Crab.⌝ Thou think’st35 not of this now. Nay, I remember the trick you served me when I took my leave of Madam Sylvia. Did not I bid thee still mark me, and do as I do? When didst thou see me heave up my leg and make water against a gentlewoman’s farthingale? Didst40 thou ever see me do such a trick?
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⌜Enter⌝ Proteus ⌜and⌝ Julia ⌜disguised as Sebastian.⌝PROTEUS Sebastian is thy name? I like thee well And will employ thee in some service presently.JULIA, ⌜as Sebastian⌝ In what you please. I’ll do what I can.PROTEUS I hope thou wilt. ⌜To Lance.⌝ How now, you45 whoreson peasant? Where have you been these two days loitering?LANCE Marry, sir, I carried Mistress Sylvia the dog you bade me.PROTEUS And what says she to my little jewel?LANCE 50Marry, she says your dog was a cur, and tells you currish thanks is good enough for such a present.PROTEUS But she received my dog?LANCE No, indeed, did she not. Here have I brought55 him back again.PROTEUS What, didst thou offer her this from me?LANCE Ay, sir. The other squirrel was stolen from me by the hangman’s boys in the market-place, and then I offered her mine own, who is a dog as big as60 ten of yours, and therefore the gift the greater.PROTEUS Go, get thee hence, and find my dog again, Or ne’er return again into my sight. Away, I say. Stayest thou to vex me here?⌜Lance exits with Crab.⌝ A slave that still an end turns me to shame.65 Sebastian, I have entertainèd thee, Partly that I have need of such a youth That can with some discretion do my business— For ’tis no trusting to yond foolish lout— But chiefly for thy face and thy behavior,
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70 Which, if my augury deceive me not, Witness good bringing-up, fortune, and truth. Therefore, know ⌜thou,⌝ for this I entertain thee. Go presently, and take this ring with thee; Deliver it to Madam Sylvia.75 She loved me well delivered it to me.⌜He gives her a ring.⌝JULIA, ⌜as Sebastian⌝ It seems you loved not her, ⌜to⌝ leave her token. She is dead belike?PROTEUS Not so; I think she lives.JULIA, ⌜as Sebastian⌝ Alas!PROTEUS 80Why dost thou cry “Alas”?JULIA, ⌜as Sebastian⌝ I cannot choose but pity her.PROTEUS Wherefore shouldst thou pity her?JULIA, ⌜as Sebastian⌝ Because methinks that she loved you as well As you do love your lady Sylvia.85 She dreams on him that has forgot her love; You dote on her that cares not for your love. ’Tis pity love should be so contrary, And thinking on it makes me cry “Alas.”PROTEUS Well, give her that ring and therewithal90 This letter. ⌜He gives her a paper.⌝ That’s her chamber. Tell my lady I claim the promise for her heavenly picture. Your message done, hie home unto my chamber, Where thou shalt find me sad and solitary.⌜Proteus exits.⌝JULIA 95 How many women would do such a message? Alas, poor Proteus, thou hast entertained A fox to be the shepherd of thy lambs. Alas, poor fool, why do I pity him
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That with his very heart despiseth me?100 Because he loves her, he despiseth me; Because I love him, I must pity him. This ring I gave him when he parted from me, To bind him to remember my good will; And now am I, unhappy messenger,105 To plead for that which I would not obtain, To carry that which I would have refused, To praise his faith, which I would have dispraised. I am my master’s true confirmèd love, But cannot be true servant to my master110 Unless I prove false traitor to myself. Yet will I woo for him, but yet so coldly As—Heaven it knows!—I would not have him speed.⌜Enter⌝ Sylvia. ⌜As Sebastian.⌝ Gentlewoman, good day. I pray you be115 my mean To bring me where to speak with Madam Sylvia.SYLVIA What would you with her, if that I be she?JULIA, ⌜as Sebastian⌝ If you be she, I do entreat your patience To hear me speak the message I am sent on.SYLVIA 120From whom?JULIA, ⌜as Sebastian⌝ From my master, Sir Proteus, madam.SYLVIA O, he sends you for a picture?JULIA, ⌜as Sebastian⌝ Ay, madam.SYLVIA, ⌜calling⌝ 125Ursula, bring my picture there.⌜She is brought the picture.⌝ Go, give your master this. Tell him from me, One Julia, that his changing thoughts forget, Would better fit his chamber than this shadow.
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JULIA, ⌜as Sebastian⌝ Madam, please you peruse this130 letter.⌜She gives Sylvia a paper.⌝ Pardon me, madam, I have unadvised Delivered you a paper that I should not. This is the letter to your Ladyship.⌜She takes back the first paper
and hands Sylvia another.⌝SYLVIA I pray thee let me look on that again.JULIA, ⌜as Sebastian⌝ 135 It may not be; good madam, pardon me.SYLVIA There, hold. I will not look upon your master’s lines; I know they are stuffed with protestations And full of new-found oaths, which he will break140 As easily as I do tear his paper.⌜She tears the second paper.⌝JULIA, ⌜as Sebastian⌝ Madam, he sends your Ladyship this ring.⌜She offers Sylvia a ring.⌝SYLVIA The more shame for him, that he sends it me; For I have heard him say a thousand times His Julia gave it him at his departure.145 Though his false finger have profaned the ring, Mine shall not do his Julia so much wrong.JULIA, ⌜as Sebastian⌝ She thanks you.SYLVIA What sayst thou?JULIA, ⌜as Sebastian⌝ I thank you, madam, that you tender her;150 Poor gentlewoman, my master wrongs her much.SYLVIA Dost thou know her?JULIA, ⌜as Sebastian⌝ Almost as well as I do know myself.
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To think upon her woes, I do protest That I have wept a hundred several times.SYLVIA 155 Belike she thinks that Proteus hath forsook her?JULIA, ⌜as Sebastian⌝ I think she doth, and that’s her cause of sorrow.SYLVIA Is she not passing fair?JULIA, ⌜as Sebastian⌝ She hath been fairer, madam, than she is; When she did think my master loved her well,160 She, in my judgment, was as fair as you. But since she did neglect her looking-glass And threw her sun-expelling mask away, The air hath starved the roses in her cheeks And pinched the lily tincture of her face,165 That now she is become as black as I.SYLVIA How tall was she?JULIA, ⌜as Sebastian⌝ About my stature; for at Pentecost, When all our pageants of delight were played, Our youth got me to play the woman’s part,170 And I was trimmed in Madam Julia’s gown, Which served me as fit, by all men’s judgments, As if the garment had been made for me; Therefore I know she is about my height. And at that time I made her weep agood,175 For I did play a lamentable part; Madam, ’twas Ariadne, passioning For Theseus’ perjury and unjust flight, Which I so lively acted with my tears That my poor mistress, movèd therewithal,180 Wept bitterly; and would I might be dead If I in thought felt not her very sorrow.SYLVIA She is beholding to thee, gentle youth.
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Alas, poor lady, desolate and left! I weep myself to think upon thy words.185 Here, youth, there is my purse.⌜She gives Julia a purse.⌝ I give thee this For thy sweet mistress’ sake, because thou lov’st her. Farewell.JULIA, ⌜as Sebastian⌝ And she shall thank you for ’t if e’er you know her.⌜Sylvia exits.⌝190 A virtuous gentlewoman, mild and beautiful. I hope my master’s suit will be but cold, Since she respects my mistress’ love so much.— Alas, how love can trifle with itself! Here is her picture; let me see. I think195 If I had such a tire, this face of mine Were full as lovely as is this of hers; And yet the painter flattered her a little, Unless I flatter with myself too much. Her hair is auburn; mine is perfect yellow;200 If that be all the difference in his love, I’ll get me such a colored periwig. Her eyes are gray as glass, and so are mine. Ay, but her forehead’s low, and mine’s as high. What should it be that he respects in her205 But I can make respective in myself If this fond Love were not a blinded god? Come, shadow, come, and take this shadow up, For ’tis thy rival. O, thou senseless form, Thou shalt be worshipped, kissed, loved, and210 adored; And were there sense in his idolatry, My substance should be statue in thy stead.
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I’ll use thee kindly for thy mistress’ sake, That used me so, or else, by Jove I vow,215 I should have scratched out your unseeing eyes To make my master out of love with thee.⌜She⌝ exits.
The Two Gentlemen of Verona: 
