Synopsis:
Falstaff receives Mistress Ford’s invitation to visit; he then accepts “Brook’s” money in exchange for his promise to compromise Mistress Ford’s reputation. Ford plans to trap Falstaff with Mistress Ford.
The Merry Wives of Windsor: Act 2, scene 2
The Merry Wives of Windsor
Contents
Characters in the Play
Entire Play
In The Merry Wives of Windsor, fat, disreputable Sir John Falstaff pursues two housewives, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, who outwit…
Act 1, scene 1
Justice Shallow and his nephew Slender accompany Sir Hugh the parson to the Pages’ home. There they meet Sir John…
Act 1, scene 2
Sir Hugh sends Slender’s servant Simple with a letter to Mistress Quickly asking her to intercede with Anne Page on…
Act 1, scene 3
Falstaff, in desperate need of funds, dismisses his servant Bardolph, who enters the employ of the Host of the Garter….
Act 1, scene 4
Delivering Sir Hugh’s letter to Mistress Quickly, Simple is discovered by her employer Dr. Caius (another of Anne’s suitors). Furious…
Act 2, scene 1
Mistress Page and Mistress Ford compare their love letters from Falstaff and plot revenge against him. Pistol and Nym tell…
Act 2, scene 2
Falstaff receives Mistress Ford’s invitation to visit; he then accepts “Brook’s” money in exchange for his promise to compromise Mistress…
Act 2, scene 3
Dr. Caius responds furiously when Sir Hugh fails to meet him for their duel. The Host calms his anger by…
Act 3, scene 1
Page, Shallow, and Slender join Sir Hugh, who is waiting to fight Dr. Caius. When the Host brings Dr. Caius…
Act 3, scene 2
Ford, knowing of Falstaff’s visit to Mistress Ford, gathers as many men as he can to go with him to…
Act 3, scene 3
Mistress Ford and Mistress Page begin their revenge against Falstaff. As Falstaff joins Mistress Ford, Mistress Page enters with news…
Act 3, scene 4
Attempting to court Anne Page, Fenton is interrupted first by his rival Slender and then by a hostile Master and…
Act 3, scene 5
Falstaff agrees once again to visit Mistress Ford and again informs “Brook” of his plans.
Act 4, scene 1
William, the young son of Master and Mistress Page, is briefly tested on his Latin by Sir Hugh.
Act 4, scene 2
Visiting Mistress Ford, Falstaff is again interrupted by Mistress Page, again with news of Ford’s threatening approach. This time the…
Act 4, scene 3
Some Germans want to hire the Host’s horses.
Act 4, scene 4
Mistress Page and Mistress Ford, having fully disclosed their dealings with Falstaff to their husbands, conspire with them to humiliate…
Act 4, scene 5
The Host learns his horses have been stolen. Mistress Quickly approaches Falstaff with another invitation, this time to meet Mistress…
Act 4, scene 6
The Host is asked to arrange for a vicar to marry Anne to Fenton that night.
Act 5, scene 1
Falstaff, having agreed to meet Mistress Page and Mistress Ford, promises success to “Brook.”
Act 5, scene 2
Slender prepares to elope with Anne Page.
Act 5, scene 3
Dr. Caius waits to elope with Anne Page. Mistress Page and Mistress Ford follow their plan to torment Falstaff.
Act 5, scene 4
Sir Hugh and the “fairies” approach.
Act 5, scene 5
Falstaff is tormented by the “fairies” and then publicly humiliated. Slender and Dr. Caius enter in turn to report that…
Scene 2
Enter ⌜Sir John⌝ Falstaff ⌜and⌝ Pistol.FALSTAFF I will not lend thee a penny.
PISTOL Why then, the world’s mine oyster, which I
with sword will open.
FALSTAFF Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you
5 should lay my countenance to pawn. I have grated
upon my good friends for three reprieves for you
and your coach-fellow Nym, or else you had
looked through the grate like a gemini of baboons.
I am damned in hell for swearing to gentlemen my
10 friends you were good soldiers and tall fellows.
And when Mistress Bridget lost the handle of her
fan, I took ’t upon mine honor thou hadst it not.
PISTOL Didst not thou share? Hadst thou not fifteen
pence?
FALSTAFF 15Reason, you rogue, reason. Think’st thou I’ll
endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more
about me. I am no gibbet for you. Go—a short
knife and a throng—to your manor of Pickt-hatch,
go. You’ll not bear a letter for me, you rogue? You
20 stand upon your honor? Why, thou unconfinable
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ACT 2. SC. 2
terms of my honor precise. Ay, ay, I myself sometimes,
leaving the fear of ⌜God⌝ on the left hand
and hiding mine honor in my necessity, am fain to
25 shuffle, to hedge, and to lurch; and yet you, rogue,
will ensconce your rags, your cat-a-mountain
looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your bold beating
oaths under the shelter of your honor! You will
not do it? You?
PISTOL 30I do relent. What would thou more of man?
Enter Robin.
ROBIN Sir, here’s a woman would speak with you.
FALSTAFF Let her approach.
Enter ⌜Mistress⌝ Quickly.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Give your Worship good morrow.
FALSTAFF Good morrow, goodwife.
MISTRESS QUICKLY 35Not so, an ’t please your Worship.
FALSTAFF Good maid, then.
MISTRESS QUICKLY I’ll be sworn—as my mother was,
the first hour I was born.
FALSTAFF I do believe the swearer. What with me?
MISTRESS QUICKLY 40Shall I vouchsafe your Worship a
word or two?
FALSTAFF Two thousand, fair woman, and I’ll vouchsafe
thee the hearing.
MISTRESS QUICKLY There is one Mistress Ford, sir—I
45 pray, come a little nearer this ways. I myself dwell
with Master Doctor Caius.
FALSTAFF Well, on. “Mistress Ford,” you say—
MISTRESS QUICKLY Your Worship says very true. I pray
your Worship, come a little nearer this ways.
FALSTAFF 50I warrant thee, nobody hears. Mine own
people, mine own people.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Are they so? ⌜God⌝ bless them and
make them His servants!
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ACT 2. SC. 2
MISTRESS QUICKLY 55Why, sir, she’s a good creature.
Lord, Lord, your Worship’s a wanton! Well, heaven
forgive you and all of us, I pray!
FALSTAFF “Mistress Ford”—come, “Mistress Ford”—
MISTRESS QUICKLY Marry, this is the short and the long
60 of it: you have brought her into such a canaries as
’tis wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when
the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought
her to such a canary. Yet there has been knights,
and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches, I
65 warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter,
gift after gift, smelling so sweetly—all musk—and
so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold, and in
such alligant terms, and in such wine and sugar of
the best and the fairest, that would have won any
70 woman’s heart; and, I warrant you, they could
never get an eye-wink of her. I had myself twenty
angels given me this morning, but I defy all angels
in any such sort, as they say, but in the way of
honesty. And, I warrant you, they could never get
75 her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of
them all. And yet there has been earls—nay, which
is more, pensioners—but, I warrant you, all is one
with her.
FALSTAFF But what says she to me? Be brief, my good
80 she-Mercury.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Marry, she hath received your letter,
for the which she thanks you a thousand times,
and she gives you to notify that her husband will
be absence from his house between ten and eleven.
FALSTAFF 85Ten and eleven?
MISTRESS QUICKLY Ay, forsooth; and then you may come
and see the picture, she says, that you wot of. Master
Ford, her husband, will be from home. Alas, the
sweet woman leads an ill life with him. He’s a very
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ACT 2. SC. 2
him, good heart.
FALSTAFF Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to
her. I will not fail her.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Why, you say well. But I have another
95 messenger to your Worship. Mistress Page
hath her hearty commendations to you too; and,
let me tell you in your ear, she’s as fartuous a civil
modest wife, and one, I tell you, that will not miss
you morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor,
100 whoe’er be the other. And she bade me tell
your Worship that her husband is seldom from
home, but she hopes there will come a time. I
never knew a woman so dote upon a man. Surely, I
think you have charms, la! Yes, in truth.
FALSTAFF 105Not I, I assure thee. Setting the attraction of
my good parts aside, I have no other charms.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Blessing on your heart for ’t!
FALSTAFF But I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford’s wife
and Page’s wife acquainted each other how they
110 love me?
MISTRESS QUICKLY That were a jest indeed! They have
not so little grace, I hope. That were a trick indeed!
But Mistress Page would desire you to send her
your little page, of all loves. Her husband has a
115 marvelous infection to the little page; and, truly,
Master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in
Windsor leads a better life than she does. Do what
she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to
bed when she list, rise when she list—all is as she
120 will. And, truly, she deserves it, for if there be a
kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send
her your page, no remedy.
FALSTAFF Why, I will.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Nay, but do so then, and, look you,
125 he may come and go between you both. And in any
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ACT 2. SC. 2
mind, and the boy never need to understand
anything; for ’tis not good that children
should know any wickedness. Old folks, you know,
130 have discretion, as they say, and know the world.
FALSTAFF Fare thee well. Commend me to them both.
There’s my purse. ⌜(He gives her money.)⌝ I am yet
thy debtor.—Boy, go along with this woman. ⌜(Mistress
Quickly and Robin exit.)⌝ This news distracts
135 me.
PISTOL, ⌜aside⌝
This punk is one of Cupid’s carriers.
Clap on more sails, pursue; up with your fights;
Give fire! She is my prize, or ocean whelm them all!
⌜He exits.⌝
FALSTAFF Sayst thou so, old Jack? Go thy ways. I’ll
140 make more of thy old body than I have done. Will
they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense
of so much money, be now a gainer? Good
body, I thank thee. Let them say ’tis grossly done;
so it be fairly done, no matter.
⌜Enter Bardolph with wine.⌝
BARDOLPH 145Sir John, there’s one Master ⌜Brook⌝ below
would fain speak with you and be acquainted with
you, and hath sent your Worship a morning’s
draught of sack.⌜(He hands Falstaff the wine.)⌝
FALSTAFF ⌜Brook⌝ is his name?
BARDOLPH 150Ay, sir.
FALSTAFF Call him in. Such ⌜Brooks⌝ are welcome to
me that o’erflows such liquor.⌜(Bardolph exits.)⌝
Ah ha, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, have I encompassed
you? Go to. Via!
Enter ⌜Bardolph with⌝ Ford ⌜disguised as Brook.⌝
FORD, ⌜as Brook⌝ 155⌜God⌝ bless you, sir.
FALSTAFF And you, sir. Would you speak with me?
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ACT 2. SC. 2
preparation upon you.
FALSTAFF You’re welcome. What’s your will?—Give us
160 leave, drawer.⌜Bardolph exits.⌝
FORD, ⌜as Brook⌝ Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent
much. My name is ⌜Brook.⌝
FALSTAFF Good Master ⌜Brook,⌝ I desire more acquaintance
of you.
FORD, ⌜as Brook⌝ 165Good Sir John, I sue for yours—not
to charge you, for I must let you understand I
think myself in better plight for a lender than you
are, the which hath something emboldened me to
this unseasoned intrusion; for they say, if money
170 go before, all ways do lie open.
FALSTAFF Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.
FORD, ⌜as Brook⌝ Troth, and I have a bag of money
here troubles me. ⌜He sets it down.⌝ If you will help
to bear it, Sir John, take all, or half, for easing me
175 of the carriage.
FALSTAFF Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your
porter.
FORD, ⌜as Brook⌝ I will tell you, sir, if you will give me
the hearing.
FALSTAFF 180Speak, good Master ⌜Brook.⌝ I shall be glad
to be your servant.
FORD, ⌜as Brook⌝ Sir, I hear you are a scholar—I will
be brief with you—and you have been a man long
known to me, though I had never so good means
185 as desire to make myself acquainted with you. I
shall discover a thing to you wherein I must very
much lay open mine own imperfection. But, good
Sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as
you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register
190 of your own, that I may pass with a reproof
the easier, sith you yourself know how easy it is to
be such an offender.
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ACT 2. SC. 2
FORD, ⌜as Brook⌝ There is a gentlewoman in this
195 town—her husband’s name is Ford.
FALSTAFF Well, sir.
FORD, ⌜as Brook⌝ I have long loved her and, I protest
to you, bestowed much on her, followed her with
a doting observance, engrossed opportunities to
200 meet her, fee’d every slight occasion that could but
niggardly give me sight of her, not only bought
many presents to give her, but have given largely to
many to know what she would have given. Briefly,
I have pursued her as love hath pursued me, which
205 hath been on the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever
I have merited, either in my mind or in my
means, meed I am sure I have received none, unless
experience be a jewel. That I have purchased
at an infinite rate, and that hath taught me to say
210 this:
“Love like a shadow flies when substance love
pursues,
Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues.”
FALSTAFF Have you received no promise of satisfaction
215 at her hands?
FORD, ⌜as Brook⌝ Never.
FALSTAFF Have you importuned her to such a
purpose?
FORD, ⌜as Brook⌝ Never.
FALSTAFF 220Of what quality was your love, then?
FORD, ⌜as Brook⌝ Like a fair house built on another
man’s ground, so that I have lost my edifice by
mistaking the place where I erected it.
FALSTAFF To what purpose have you unfolded this to
225 me?
FORD, ⌜as Brook⌝ When I have told you that, I have
told you all. Some say that though she appear honest
to me, yet in other places she enlargeth her
mirth so far that there is shrewd construction
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ACT 2. SC. 2
purpose: you are a gentleman of excellent breeding,
admirable discourse, of great admittance,
authentic in your place and person, generally
allowed for your many warlike, courtlike, and
235 learned preparations.
FALSTAFF O, sir!
FORD, ⌜as Brook⌝ Believe it, for you know it. There is
money. ⌜(He points to the bag.)⌝ Spend it, spend
it, spend more; spend all I have. Only give me so
240 much of your time in exchange of it as to lay an
amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford’s wife.
Use your art of wooing; win her to consent to you.
If any man may, you may as soon as any.
FALSTAFF Would it apply well to the vehemency of
245 your affection that I should win what you would
enjoy? Methinks you prescribe to yourself very
preposterously.
FORD, ⌜as Brook⌝ O, understand my drift. She dwells
so securely on the excellency of her honor that the
250 folly of my soul dares not present itself; she is too
bright to be looked against. Now, could I come to
her with any detection in my hand, my desires had
instance and argument to commend themselves. I
could drive her then from the ward of her purity,
255 her reputation, her marriage vow, and a thousand
other her defenses, which now are too too strongly
embattled against me. What say you to ’t, Sir
John?
FALSTAFF, ⌜taking the bag⌝ Master ⌜Brook,⌝ I will first
260 make bold with your money; next, give me your
hand; and, last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if
you will, enjoy Ford’s wife.
FORD, ⌜as Brook⌝ O, good sir!
FALSTAFF I say you shall.
FORD, ⌜as Brook⌝ 265Want no money, Sir John; you shall
want none.
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ACT 2. SC. 2
shall want none. I shall be with her, I may tell you,
by her own appointment. Even as you came in to
270 me, her assistant or go-between parted from me. I
say I shall be with her between ten and eleven, for
at that time the jealous, rascally knave her husband
will be forth. Come you to me at night. You
shall know how I speed.
FORD, ⌜as Brook⌝ 275I am blessed in your acquaintance.
Do you know Ford, sir?
FALSTAFF Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know
him not. Yet I wrong him to call him poor. They
say the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of
280 money, for the which his wife seems to me well-favored.
I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly
rogue’s coffer, and there’s my harvest home.
FORD, ⌜as Brook⌝ I would you knew Ford, sir, that you
might avoid him if you saw him.
FALSTAFF 285Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I
will stare him out of his wits. I will awe him with
my cudgel; it shall hang like a meteor o’er the
cuckold’s horns. Master ⌜Brook,⌝ thou shalt know I
will predominate over the peasant, and thou shalt
290 lie with his wife. Come to me soon at night. Ford’s
a knave, and I will aggravate his style. Thou, Master
⌜Brook,⌝ shalt know him for knave and cuckold.
Come to me soon at night.⌜Falstaff exits.⌝
FORD What a damned epicurean rascal is this! My
295 heart is ready to crack with impatience. Who says
this is improvident jealousy? My wife hath sent
to him, the hour is fixed, the match is made.
Would any man have thought this? See the hell of
having a false woman: my bed shall be abused, my
300 coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at. And
I shall not only receive this villainous wrong but
stand under the adoption of abominable terms,
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ACT 2. SC. 3
names! “Amaimon” sounds well, “Lucifer” well,
305 “Barbason” well; yet they are devils’ additions, the
names of fiends. But “Cuckold,” “Wittoll,” “Cuckold”!
The devil himself hath not such a name. Page
is an ass, a secure ass. He will trust his wife, he will
not be jealous. I will rather trust a Fleming with
310 my butter, Parson Hugh the Welshman with my
cheese, an Irishman with my aquavitae bottle, or
a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife
with herself. Then she plots, then she ruminates,
then she devises; and what they think in their
315 hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts
but they will effect. ⌜God⌝ be praised for my jealousy!
Eleven o’clock the hour. I will prevent this,
detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh
at Page. I will about it. Better three hours too soon
320 than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie! Cuckold, cuckold,
cuckold!
He exits.
