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The Merry Wives of Windsor - Act 1, scene 1
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The Merry Wives of Windsor - Act 1, scene 1Act 1, scene 1
Scene 1
Synopsis:
Justice Shallow and his nephew Slender accompany Sir Hugh the parson to the Pages’ home. There they meet Sir John Falstaff, whom Shallow accuses of killing his deer, while Slender accuses Falstaff’s men of robbing him. Falstaff meets Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, and Slender clumsily attempts to court Anne Page.
Enter Justice Shallow, Slender, ⌜and⌝ Sir Hugh Evans.SHALLOW 0001 Sir Hugh, persuade me not. I will make a
0002 Star-Chamber matter of it. If he were twenty Sir
0003 John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow,
0004 Esquire.
SLENDER 0005 5In the county of Gloucester, Justice of Peace
0006 and Coram.
SHALLOW 0007 Ay, Cousin Slender, and Custalorum.
SLENDER 0008 Ay, and Ratolorum too; and a gentleman born,
0009 Master Parson, who writes himself “Armigero”
0010 10 in any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation—
0011 “Armigero!”
SHALLOW 0012 Ay, that I do, and have done any time these
0013 three hundred years.
SLENDER 0014 All his successors gone before him hath
0015 15 done ’t, and all his ancestors that come after him
0016 may. They may give the dozen white luces in their
0017 coat.
SHALLOW 0018 It is an old coat.
SIR HUGH 0019 The dozen white louses do become an old
0020 20 coat well. It agrees well, passant. It is a familiar
0021 beast to man and signifies love.
SHALLOW 0022 The luce is the fresh fish. The salt fish is an
0023 old coat.
SLENDER 0024 I may quarter, coz.
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9
SHALLOW
0025
25You may, by marrying.SIR HUGH 0026 It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.
SHALLOW 0027 Not a whit.
SIR HUGH 0028 Yes, py ’r Lady. If he has a quarter of your
0029 coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my
0030 30 simple conjectures. But that is all one. If Sir John
0031 Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you,
0032 I am of the Church, and will be glad to do my
0033 benevolence to make atonements and compromises
0034 between you.
SHALLOW 0035 35The Council shall hear it; it is a riot.
SIR HUGH 0036 It is not meet the Council hear a riot. There
0037 is no fear of Got in a riot. The Council, look you,
0038 shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear
0039 a riot. Take your visaments in that.
SHALLOW 0040 40Ha! O’ my life, if I were young again, the
0041 sword should end it.
SIR HUGH 0042 It is petter that friends is the sword, and end
0043 it. And there is also another device in my prain,
0044 which peradventure prings goot discretions with
0045 45 it. There is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master
0046 Thomas Page, which is pretty virginity.
SLENDER 0047 Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair
0048 and speaks small like a woman?
SIR HUGH 0049 It is that fery person for all the ’orld, as just
0050 50 as you will desire. And seven hundred pounds of
0051 moneys, and gold, and silver, is her grandsire upon
0052 his death’s-bed (Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!)
0053 give, when she is able to overtake seventeen
0054 years old. It were a goot motion if we leave our
0055 55 pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between
0056 Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.
SLENDER 0057 Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred
0058 pound?
SIR HUGH 0059 Ay, and her father is make her a petter
0060 60 penny.
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11
SLENDER
0061
I know the young gentlewoman. She has0062 good gifts.
SIR HUGH 0063 Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is
0064 goot gifts.
SHALLOW 0065 65Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff
0066 there?
SIR HUGH 0067 Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I
0068 do despise one that is false, or as I despise one that
0069 is not true. The knight Sir John is there, and I beseech
0070 70 you be ruled by your well-willers. I will peat
0071 the door for Master Page. ⌜He knocks.⌝ What ho?
0072 Got pless your house here.
PAGE, ⌜within⌝ 0073 Who’s there?
SIR HUGH 0074 Here is Got’s plessing, and your friend, and
0075 75 Justice Shallow, and here young Master Slender,
0076 that peradventures shall tell you another tale, if
0077 matters grow to your likings.
Enter Master Page.
PAGE 0078 I am glad to see your Worships well. I thank you
0079 for my venison, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW 0080 80Master Page, I am glad to see you. Much
0081 good do it your good heart! I wished your venison
0082 better; it was ill killed. How doth good Mistress
0083 Page? And I thank you always with my heart, la,
0084 with my heart.
PAGE 0085 85Sir, I thank you.
SHALLOW 0086 Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.
PAGE 0087 I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.
SLENDER 0088 How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I
0089 heard say he was outrun on Cotsall.
PAGE 0090 90It could not be judged, sir.
SLENDER 0091 You’ll not confess, you’ll not confess.
SHALLOW 0092 That he will not. ’Tis your fault, ’tis your
0093 fault. ’Tis a good dog.
PAGE 0094 A cur, sir.
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13
SHALLOW
0095
95Sir, he’s a good dog and a fair dog. Can there0096 be more said? He is good and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff
0097 here?
PAGE 0098 Sir, he is within, and I would I could do a good
0099 office between you.
SIR HUGH 0100 100It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.
SHALLOW 0101 He hath wronged me, Master Page.
PAGE 0102 Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.
SHALLOW 0103 If it be confessed, it is not redressed. Is not
0104 that so, Master Page? He hath wronged me, indeed
0105 105 he hath; at a word, he hath. Believe me. Robert
0106 Shallow, Esquire, saith he is wronged.
Enter ⌜Sir John⌝ Falstaff, Bardolph, Nym, ⌜and⌝ Pistol.
PAGE 0107 Here comes Sir John.
FALSTAFF 0108 Now, Master Shallow, you’ll complain of me
0109 to the King?
SHALLOW 0110 110Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my
0111 deer, and broke open my lodge.
FALSTAFF 0112 But not kissed your keeper’s daughter.
SHALLOW 0113 Tut, a pin. This shall be answered.
FALSTAFF 0114 I will answer it straight: I have done all this.
0115 115 That is now answered.
SHALLOW 0116 The Council shall know this.
FALSTAFF 0117 ’Twere better for you if it were known in
0118 counsel. You’ll be laughed at.
SIR HUGH 0119 Pauca verba, Sir John, good worts.
FALSTAFF 0120 120Good worts? Good cabbage!—Slender, I
0121 broke your head. What matter have you against
0122 me?
SLENDER 0123 Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against
0124 you and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph,
0125 125 Nym, and Pistol.
BARDOLPH 0126 You Banbury cheese!
SLENDER 0127 Ay, it is no matter.
PISTOL 0128 How now, Mephostophilus?
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15
SLENDER
0129
Ay, it is no matter.NYM 0130 130Slice, I say! Pauca, pauca. Slice, that’s my humor.
SLENDER, ⌜(to Shallow)⌝ 0131 Where’s Simple, my man?
0132 Can you tell, cousin?
SIR HUGH 0133 Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand;
0134 there is three umpires in this matter, as I understand:
0135 135 that is, Master Page (fidelicet Master Page);
0136 and there is myself (fidelicet myself); and the three
0137 party is, lastly and finally, mine Host of the Garter.
PAGE 0138 We three to hear it and end it between them.
SIR HUGH 0139 Fery goot. I will make a prief of it in my
0140 140 notebook, and we will afterwards ’ork upon the
0141 cause with as great discreetly as we can.
FALSTAFF 0142 Pistol.
PISTOL 0143 He hears with ears.
SIR HUGH 0144 The tevil and his tam! What phrase is this,
0145 145 “He hears with ear”? Why, it is affectations.
FALSTAFF 0146 Pistol, did you pick Master Slender’s purse?
SLENDER 0147 Ay, by these gloves, did he—or I would I
0148 might never come in mine own great chamber
0149 again else—of seven groats in mill-sixpences,
0150 150 and two Edward shovel-boards that cost me two
0151 shilling and twopence apiece of Yed Miller, by
0152 these gloves.
FALSTAFF 0153 Is this true, Pistol?
SIR HUGH 0154 No, it is false, if it is a pickpurse.
PISTOL 0155 155Ha, thou mountain foreigner!—Sir John and
0156 master mine, I combat challenge of this latten
0157 bilbo.—Word of denial in thy labras here! Word of
0158 denial! Froth and scum, thou liest.
SLENDER, ⌜indicating Nym⌝ 0159 By these gloves, then ’twas
0160 160 he.
NYM 0161 Be avised, sir, and pass good humors. I will say
0162 “marry trap with you” if you run the nuthook’s
0163 humor on me. That is the very note of it.
p.
17
SLENDER
0164
By this hat, then, he in the red face had it.0165 165 For, though I cannot remember what I did when
0166 you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an
0167 ass.
FALSTAFF 0168 What say you, Scarlet and John?
BARDOLPH 0169 Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman
0170 170 had drunk himself out of his five sentences.
SIR HUGH 0171 It is “his five senses.” Fie, what the ignorance
0172 is!
BARDOLPH, ⌜to Falstaff⌝ 0173 And being fap, sir, was, as
0174 they say, cashiered. And so conclusions passed the
0175 175 careers.
SLENDER 0176 Ay, you spake in Latin then too. But ’tis no
0177 matter. I’ll ne’er be drunk whilst I live again but in
0178 honest, civil, godly company, for this trick. If I be
0179 drunk, I’ll be drunk with those that have the fear of
0180 180 God, and not with drunken knaves.
SIR HUGH 0181 So Got ’udge me, that is a virtuous mind.
FALSTAFF 0182 You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen.
0183 You hear it.
Enter Anne Page ⌜with wine.⌝
PAGE 0184 Nay, daughter, carry the wine in. We’ll drink
0185 185 within.⌜Anne Page exits.⌝
SLENDER 0186 O heaven, this is Mistress Anne Page.
Enter Mistress Ford ⌜and⌝ Mistress Page.
PAGE 0187 How now, Mistress Ford?
FALSTAFF 0188 Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well
0189 met. By your leave, good mistress.⌜He kisses her.⌝
PAGE 0190 190Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome.—Come, we
0191 have a hot venison pasty to dinner. Come, gentlemen,
0192 I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.
⌜All but Slender, Shallow, and Sir Hugh exit.⌝
SLENDER 0193 I had rather than forty shillings I had my
0194 book of Songs and Sonnets here!
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19
Enter Simple.0195 195 How now, Simple? Where have you been? I must
0196 wait on myself, must I? You have not the Book of
0197 Riddles about you, have you?
SIMPLE 0198 Book of Riddles? Why, did you not lend it to
0199 Alice Shortcake upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight
0200 200 afore Michaelmas?
SHALLOW, ⌜to Slender⌝ 0201 Come, coz; come, coz. We stay
0202 for you. A word with you, coz. Marry, this, coz:
0203 there is, as ’twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made
0204 afar off by Sir Hugh here. Do you understand me?
SLENDER 0205 205Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable. If it be
0206 so, I shall do that that is reason.
SHALLOW 0207 Nay, but understand me.
SLENDER 0208 So I do, sir.
SIR HUGH 0209 Give ear to his motions, Master Slender. I
0210 210 will description the matter to you, if you be capacity
0211 of it.
SLENDER 0212 Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says. I
0213 pray you, pardon me. He’s a Justice of Peace in his
0214 country, simple though I stand here.
SIR HUGH 0215 215But that is not the question. The question is
0216 concerning your marriage.
SHALLOW 0217 Ay, there’s the point, sir.
SIR HUGH 0218 Marry, is it, the very point of it—to Mistress
0219 Anne Page.
SLENDER 0220 220Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any
0221 reasonable demands.
SIR HUGH 0222 But can you affection the ’oman? Let us command
0223 to know that of your mouth, or of your lips;
0224 for divers philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of
0225 225 the mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your
0226 good will to the maid?
SHALLOW 0227 Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?
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SLENDER
0228
I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one0229 that would do reason.
SIR HUGH 0230 230Nay, Got’s lords and His ladies! You must
0231 speak positable, if you can carry her your desires
0232 towards her.
SHALLOW 0233 That you must. Will you, upon good dowry,
0234 marry her?
SLENDER 0235 235I will do a greater thing than that, upon your
0236 request, cousin, in any reason.
SHALLOW 0237 Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz.
0238 What I do is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the
0239 maid?
SLENDER 0240 240I will marry her, sir, at your request. But if
0241 there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven
0242 may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when
0243 we are married and have more occasion to know
0244 one another. I hope upon familiarity will grow
0245 245 more content. But if you say “Marry her,” I will
0246 marry her. That I am freely dissolved, and
0247 dissolutely.
SIR HUGH 0248 It is a fery discretion answer, save the fall is
0249 in the ’ord “dissolutely.” The ’ort is, according to
0250 250 our meaning, “resolutely.” His meaning is good.
SHALLOW 0251 Ay, I think my cousin meant well.
SLENDER 0252 Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!
⌜Enter Anne Page.⌝
SHALLOW 0253 Here comes fair Mistress Anne.—Would I
0254 were young for your sake, Mistress Anne.
ANNE 0255 255The dinner is on the table. My father desires
0256 your Worships’ company.
SHALLOW 0257 I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.
SIR HUGH 0258 ’Od’s plessèd will, I will not be absence at
0259 the grace.⌜Sir Hugh and Shallow exit.⌝
ANNE, ⌜to Slender⌝ 0260 260Will ’t please your Worship to come
0261 in, sir?
p.
23
SLENDER
0262
No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily. I am very0263 well.
ANNE 0264 The dinner attends you, sir.
SLENDER 0265 265I am not ahungry, I thank you, forsooth. ⌜(To
Simple.)⌝ 0266 Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go
0267 wait upon my cousin Shallow. ⌜(Simple exits.)⌝ A
0268 Justice of Peace sometime may be beholding to his
0269 friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy
0270 270 yet, till my mother be dead. But what though? Yet
0271 I live like a poor gentleman born.
ANNE 0272 I may not go in without your Worship. They will
0273 not sit till you come.
SLENDER 0274 I’ faith, I’ll eat nothing. I thank you as much
0275 275 as though I did.
ANNE 0276 I pray you, sir, walk in.
SLENDER 0277 I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised
0278 my shin th’ other day with playing at sword and
0279 dagger with a master of fence—three veneys for a
0280 280 dish of stewed prunes—and, by my troth, I cannot
0281 abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your
0282 dogs bark so? Be there bears i’ th’ town?
ANNE 0283 I think there are, sir. I heard them talked of.
SLENDER 0284 I love the sport well, but I shall as soon quarrel
0285 285 at it as any man in England. You are afraid if
0286 you see the bear loose, are you not?
ANNE 0287 Ay, indeed, sir.
SLENDER 0288 That’s meat and drink to me, now. I have
0289 seen Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken
0290 290 him by the chain. But, I warrant you, the women
0291 have so cried and shrieked at it that it passed. But
0292 women, indeed, cannot abide ’em; they are very ill-favored
0293 rough things.
⌜Enter Page.⌝
PAGE 0294 Come, gentle Master Slender, come. We stay for
0295 295 you.
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25
SLENDER
0296
I’ll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.PAGE 0297 By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! Come,
0298 come.
SLENDER 0299 Nay, pray you, lead the way.
PAGE 0300 300Come on, sir.
SLENDER 0301 Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first.
ANNE 0302 Not I, sir. Pray you, keep on.
SLENDER 0303 Truly, I will not go first, truly, la! I will not do
0304 you that wrong.
ANNE 0305 305I pray you, sir.
SLENDER 0306 I’ll rather be unmannerly than troublesome.
0307 You do yourself wrong, indeed, la!
They exit.