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Love’s Labor’s Lost
Act 5, scene 2

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Scene 2
Enter the Ladies (the Princess, Rosaline,
Katherine, and Maria.)


PRINCESS 
 Sweethearts, we shall be rich ere we depart,
 If fairings come thus plentifully in.

149
Love’s Labor’s Lost
ACT 5. SC. 2

 A lady walled about with diamonds!
 Look you what I have from the loving king.
She shows a jewel.
ROSALINE 
5 Madam, came nothing else along with that?
PRINCESS 
 Nothing but this? Yes, as much love in rhyme
 As would be crammed up in a sheet of paper
 Writ o’ both sides the leaf, margent and all,
 That he was fain to seal on Cupid’s name.
ROSALINE 
10 That was the way to make his godhead wax,
 For he hath been five thousand year a boy.
KATHERINE 
 Ay, and a shrewd unhappy gallows, too.
ROSALINE 
 You’ll ne’er be friends with him. He killed your
 sister.
KATHERINE 
15 He made her melancholy, sad, and heavy,
 And so she died. Had she been light like you,
 Of such a merry, nimble, stirring spirit,
 She might ha’ been a grandam ere she died.
 And so may you, for a light heart lives long.
ROSALINE 
20 What’s your dark meaning, mouse, of this light
 word?
KATHERINE 
 A light condition in a beauty dark.
ROSALINE 
 We need more light to find your meaning out.
KATHERINE 
 You’ll mar the light by taking it in snuff;
25 Therefore I’ll darkly end the argument.

151
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ACT 5. SC. 2

ROSALINE 
 Look what you do, you do it still i’ th’ dark.
KATHERINE 
 So do not you, for you are a light wench.
ROSALINE 
 Indeed, I weigh not you, and therefore light.
KATHERINE 
 You weigh me not? O, that’s you care not for me.
ROSALINE 
30 Great reason: for past care is still past cure.
PRINCESS 
 Well bandied both; a set of wit well played.
 But, Rosaline, you have a favor too.
 Who sent it? And what is it?
ROSALINE  I would you knew.
35 An if my face were but as fair as yours,
 My favor were as great. Be witness this.
She shows a gift.
 Nay, I have verses too, I thank Berowne;
 The numbers true; and were the numb’ring too,
 I were the fairest goddess on the ground.
40 I am compared to twenty thousand fairs.
 O, he hath drawn my picture in his letter.
PRINCESS Anything like?
ROSALINE 
 Much in the letters, nothing in the praise.
PRINCESS 
 Beauteous as ink: a good conclusion.
KATHERINE 
45 Fair as a text B in a copybook.
ROSALINE 
 Ware pencils, ho! Let me not die your debtor,
 My red dominical, my golden letter.
 O, that your face were not so full of O’s!
PRINCESS 
 A pox of that jest! And I beshrew all shrows.

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ACT 5. SC. 2

50 But, Katherine, what was sent to you
 From fair Dumaine?
KATHERINE 
 Madam, this glove.She shows the glove.
PRINCESS  Did he not send you twain?
KATHERINE Yes, madam, and moreover,
55 Some thousand verses of a faithful lover,
 A huge translation of hypocrisy,
 Vilely compiled, profound simplicity.
MARIA 
 This, and these pearls, to me sent Longaville.
She shows a paper and pearls.
 The letter is too long by half a mile.
PRINCESS 
60 I think no less. Dost thou not wish in heart
 The chain were longer and the letter short?
MARIA 
 Ay, or I would these hands might never part.
PRINCESS 
 We are wise girls to mock our lovers so.
ROSALINE 
 They are worse fools to purchase mocking so.
65 That same Berowne I’ll torture ere I go.
 O, that I knew he were but in by th’ week,
 How I would make him fawn, and beg, and seek,
 And wait the season, and observe the times,
 And spend his prodigal wits in bootless rhymes,
70 And shape his service wholly to my hests,
 And make him proud to make me proud that jests!
 So pair-taunt-like would I o’ersway his state,
 That he should be my fool, and I his fate.
PRINCESS 
 None are so surely caught, when they are catched,
75 As wit turned fool. Folly in wisdom hatched
 Hath wisdom’s warrant and the help of school,
 And wit’s own grace to grace a learnèd fool.

155
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ACT 5. SC. 2

ROSALINE 
 The blood of youth burns not with such excess
 As gravity’s revolt to wantonness.
MARIA 
80 Folly in fools bears not so strong a note
 As fool’ry in the wise, when wit doth dote,
 Since all the power thereof it doth apply
 To prove, by wit, worth in simplicity.

Enter Boyet.

PRINCESS 
 Here comes Boyet, and mirth is in his face.
BOYET 
85 O, I am stabbed with laughter. Where’s her Grace?
PRINCESS 
 Thy news, Boyet?
BOYET  Prepare, madam, prepare.
 Arm, wenches, arm. Encounters mounted are
 Against your peace. Love doth approach, disguised,
90 Armèd in arguments. You’ll be surprised.
 Muster your wits, stand in your own defense,
 Or hide your heads like cowards, and fly hence.
PRINCESS 
 Saint Denis to Saint Cupid! What are they
 That charge their breath against us? Say, scout, say.
BOYET 
95 Under the cool shade of a sycamore,
 I thought to close mine eyes some half an hour.
 When, lo, to interrupt my purposed rest,
 Toward that shade I might behold addressed
 The King and his companions. Warily
100 I stole into a neighbor thicket by,
 And overheard what you shall overhear:
 That, by and by, disguised, they will be here.
 Their herald is a pretty knavish page
 That well by heart hath conned his embassage.

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ACT 5. SC. 2

105 Action and accent did they teach him there:
 “Thus must thou speak,” and “thus thy body bear.”
 And ever and anon they made a doubt
 Presence majestical would put him out;
 “For,” quoth the King, “an angel shalt thou see;
110 Yet fear not thou, but speak audaciously.”
 The boy replied “An angel is not evil.
 I should have feared her had she been a devil.”
 With that, all laughed and clapped him on the
 shoulder,
115 Making the bold wag by their praises bolder.
 One rubbed his elbow thus, and fleered, and swore
 A better speech was never spoke before.
 Another with his finger and his thumb,
 Cried “Via! We will do ’t, come what will come.”
120 The third he capered and cried “All goes well!”
 The fourth turned on the toe, and down he fell.
 With that, they all did tumble on the ground
 With such a zealous laughter so profound
 That in this spleen ridiculous appears,
125 To check their folly, passion’s solemn tears.
PRINCESS 
 But what, but what? Come they to visit us?
BOYET 
 They do, they do; and are appareled thus,
 Like Muscovites, or Russians, as I guess.
 Their purpose is to parley, to court, and dance,
130 And every one his love-feat will advance
 Unto his several mistress—which they’ll know
 By favors several which they did bestow.
PRINCESS 
 And will they so? The gallants shall be tasked,
 For, ladies, we will every one be masked,
135 And not a man of them shall have the grace,
 Despite of suit, to see a lady’s face.
 Hold, Rosaline, this favor thou shalt wear,

159
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ACT 5. SC. 2

 And then the King will court thee for his dear.
 Hold, take thou this, my sweet, and give me thine.
140 So shall Berowne take me for Rosaline.
Princess and Rosaline exchange favors.
 And change you favors too. So shall your loves
 Woo contrary, deceived by these removes.
Katherine and Maria exchange favors.
ROSALINE 
 Come on, then, wear the favors most in sight.
KATHERINE, to Princess 
 But in this changing, what is your intent?
PRINCESS 
145 The effect of my intent is to cross theirs.
 They do it but in mockery merriment,
 And mock for mock is only my intent.
 Their several counsels they unbosom shall
 To loves mistook, and so be mocked withal
150 Upon the next occasion that we meet,
 With visages displayed, to talk and greet.
ROSALINE 
 But shall we dance, if they desire us to ’t?
PRINCESS 
 No, to the death we will not move a foot,
 Nor to their penned speech render we no grace,
155 But while ’tis spoke each turn away her face.
BOYET 
 Why, that contempt will kill the speaker’s heart,
 And quite divorce his memory from his part.
PRINCESS 
 Therefore I do it, and I make no doubt
 The rest will ne’er come in if he be out.
160 There’s no such sport as sport by sport o’erthrown,
 To make theirs ours and ours none but our own.
 So shall we stay, mocking intended game,
 And they, well mocked, depart away with shame.
Sound trumpet, within.

161
Love’s Labor’s Lost
ACT 5. SC. 2

BOYET 
 The trumpet sounds. Be masked; the maskers come.
The Ladies mask.

Enter Blackamoors with music, the Boy with a speech,
the King, Berowne, and the rest of the Lords disguised.


BOY 
165 All hail, the richest beauties on the Earth!
BOYET 
 Beauties no richer than rich taffeta.
BOY 
 A holy parcel of the fairest dames
(The Ladies turn their backs to him.)
 That ever turned their—backs—to mortal views.
BEROWNE Their eyes, villain, their eyes!
BOY 
170 That ever turned their eyes to mortal views.
 Out—

BOYET True; out indeed.
BOY 
 Out of your favors, heavenly spirits, vouchsafe
 Not to behold—

BEROWNE 175Once to behold, rogue!
BOY 
 Once to behold with your sun-beamèd eyes—
 With your sun-beamèd eyes—

BOYET 
 They will not answer to that epithet.
 You were best call it “daughter-beamèd eyes.”
BOY 
180 They do not mark me, and that brings me out.
BEROWNE 
 Is this your perfectness? Begone, you rogue!
Boy exits.
ROSALINE, speaking as the Princess 
 What would these strangers? Know their minds,
 Boyet.

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ACT 5. SC. 2

 If they do speak our language, ’tis our will
185 That some plain man recount their purposes.
 Know what they would.
BOYET  What would you with the
 Princess?
BEROWNE 
 Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.
ROSALINE 190What would they, say they?
BOYET 
 Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.
ROSALINE 
 Why, that they have, and bid them so be gone.
BOYET 
 She says you have it, and you may be gone.
KING 
 Say to her we have measured many miles
195 To tread a measure with her on this grass.
BOYET 
 They say that they have measured many a mile
 To tread a measure with you on this grass.
ROSALINE 
 It is not so. Ask them how many inches
 Is in one mile. If they have measured many,
200 The measure then of one is eas’ly told.
BOYET 
 If to come hither you have measured miles,
 And many miles, the Princess bids you tell
 How many inches doth fill up one mile.
BEROWNE 
 Tell her we measure them by weary steps.
BOYET 
205 She hears herself.
ROSALINE  How many weary steps
 Of many weary miles you have o’ergone
 Are numbered in the travel of one mile?

165
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ACT 5. SC. 2

BEROWNE 
 We number nothing that we spend for you.
210 Our duty is so rich, so infinite,
 That we may do it still without account.
 Vouchsafe to show the sunshine of your face
 That we, like savages, may worship it.
ROSALINE 
 My face is but a moon, and clouded too.
KING 
215 Blessèd are clouds, to do as such clouds do!
 Vouchsafe, bright moon, and these thy stars, to
 shine,
 Those clouds removed, upon our watery eyne.
ROSALINE 
 O vain petitioner, beg a greater matter!
220 Thou now requests but moonshine in the water.
KING 
 Then in our measure do but vouchsafe one change.
 Thou bidd’st me beg; this begging is not strange.
ROSALINE 
 Play music, then. Nay, you must do it soon.
Music begins.
 Not yet? No dance! Thus change I like the moon.
KING 
225 Will you not dance? How come you thus estranged?
ROSALINE 
 You took the moon at full, but now she’s changed.
KING 
 Yet still she is the moon, and I the man.
 The music plays. Vouchsafe some motion to it.
ROSALINE 
 Our ears vouchsafe it.
KING 230 But your legs should do it.
ROSALINE 
 Since you are strangers and come here by chance,
 We’ll not be nice. Take hands. We will not dance.
She offers her hand.

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Love’s Labor’s Lost
ACT 5. SC. 2

KING 
 Why take we hands then?
ROSALINE  Only to part friends.—
235 Curtsy, sweethearts—and so the measure ends.
KING 
 More measure of this measure! Be not nice.
ROSALINE 
 We can afford no more at such a price.
KING 
 Prize you yourselves. What buys your company?
ROSALINE 
 Your absence only.
KING 240 That can never be.
ROSALINE 
 Then cannot we be bought. And so adieu—
 Twice to your visor, and half once to you.
KING 
 If you deny to dance, let’s hold more chat.
ROSALINE 
 In private, then.
KING 245 I am best pleased with that.
They move aside.
BEROWNE, to the Princess 
 White-handed mistress, one sweet word with thee.
PRINCESS, speaking as Rosaline 
 Honey, and milk, and sugar—there is three.
BEROWNE 
 Nay then, two treys, an if you grow so nice,
 Metheglin, wort, and malmsey. Well run, dice!
250 There’s half a dozen sweets.
PRINCESS  Seventh sweet, adieu.
 Since you can cog, I’ll play no more with you.
BEROWNE 
 One word in secret.
PRINCESS  Let it not be sweet.
BEROWNE 
255 Thou grievest my gall.

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ACT 5. SC. 2

PRINCESS  Gall! Bitter.
BEROWNE  Therefore meet.
They move aside.
DUMAINE, to Maria 
 Will you vouchsafe with me to change a word?
MARIA, speaking as Katherine 
 Name it.
DUMAINE 260 Fair lady—
MARIA  Say you so? Fair lord!
 Take that for your “fair lady.”
DUMAINE  Please it you
 As much in private, and I’ll bid adieu.
They move aside.
KATHERINE, speaking as Maria 
265 What, was your vizard made without a tongue?
LONGAVILLE 
 I know the reason, lady, why you ask.
KATHERINE 
 O, for your reason! Quickly, sir, I long.
LONGAVILLE 
 You have a double tongue within your mask,
 And would afford my speechless vizard half.
KATHERINE 
270 Veal, quoth the Dutchman. Is not veal a calf?
LONGAVILLE 
 A calf, fair lady?
KATHERINE  No, a fair Lord Calf.
LONGAVILLE 
 Let’s part the word.
KATHERINE  No, I’ll not be your half.
275 Take all and wean it. It may prove an ox.
LONGAVILLE 
 Look how you butt yourself in these sharp mocks.
 Will you give horns, chaste lady? Do not so.
KATHERINE 
 Then die a calf before your horns do grow.

171
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ACT 5. SC. 2

LONGAVILLE 
 One word in private with you ere I die.
KATHERINE 
280 Bleat softly, then. The butcher hears you cry.
They move aside.
BOYET 
 The tongues of mocking wenches are as keen
  As is the razor’s edge invisible,
 Cutting a smaller hair than may be seen;
  Above the sense of sense, so sensible
285 Seemeth their conference. Their conceits have
 wings
 Fleeter than arrows, bullets, wind, thought, swifter
 things.
ROSALINE 
 Not one word more, my maids. Break off, break off!
The Ladies move away from the Lords.
BEROWNE 
290 By heaven, all dry-beaten with pure scoff!
KING 
 Farewell, mad wenches. You have simple wits.
King, Lords, and Blackamoors exit.
The Ladies unmask.
PRINCESS 
 Twenty adieus, my frozen Muskovits.—
 Are these the breed of wits so wondered at?
BOYET 
  Tapers they are, with your sweet breaths puffed
295  out.
ROSALINE 
 Well-liking wits they have; gross, gross; fat, fat.
PRINCESS 
  O poverty in wit, kingly-poor flout!
 Will they not, think you, hang themselves tonight?
  Or ever but in vizards show their faces?
300 This pert Berowne was out of count’nance quite.

173
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ACT 5. SC. 2

ROSALINE 
  They were all in lamentable cases.
 The King was weeping ripe for a good word.
PRINCESS 
  Berowne did swear himself out of all suit.
MARIA 
 Dumaine was at my service, and his sword.
305  “No point,” quoth I. My servant straight was
  mute.
KATHERINE 
 Lord Longaville said I came o’er his heart.
  And trow you what he called me?
PRINCESS   Qualm, perhaps.
KATHERINE 
310 Yes, in good faith.
PRINCESS  Go, sickness as thou art!
ROSALINE 
  Well, better wits have worn plain statute-caps.
 But will you hear? The King is my love sworn.
PRINCESS 
  And quick Berowne hath plighted faith to me.
KATHERINE 
315 And Longaville was for my service born.
MARIA 
  Dumaine is mine as sure as bark on tree.
BOYET 
 Madam, and pretty mistresses, give ear.
 Immediately they will again be here
 In their own shapes, for it can never be
320 They will digest this harsh indignity.
PRINCESS 
 Will they return?
BOYET  They will, they will, God knows,
 And leap for joy, though they are lame with blows.
 Therefore change favors, and when they repair,
325 Blow like sweet roses in this summer air.

175
Love’s Labor’s Lost
ACT 5. SC. 2

PRINCESS 
 How “blow”? How “blow”? Speak to be understood.
BOYET 
 Fair ladies masked are roses in their bud.
 Dismasked, their damask sweet commixture shown,
 Are angels vailing clouds, or roses blown.
PRINCESS 
330 Avaunt, perplexity!—What shall we do
 If they return in their own shapes to woo?
ROSALINE 
 Good madam, if by me you’ll be advised,
 Let’s mock them still, as well known as disguised.
 Let us complain to them what fools were here,
335 Disguised like Muscovites in shapeless gear,
 And wonder what they were, and to what end
 Their shallow shows and prologue vilely penned,
 And their rough carriage so ridiculous,
 Should be presented at our tent to us.
BOYET 
340 Ladies, withdraw. The gallants are at hand.
PRINCESS 
 Whip to our tents, as roes runs o’er land.
The Princess and the Ladies exit.

Enter the King and the rest, as themselves.

KING, to Boyet 
 Fair sir, God save you. Where’s the Princess?
BOYET 
 Gone to her tent. Please it your Majesty
 Command me any service to her thither?
KING 
345 That she vouchsafe me audience for one word.
BOYET 
 I will, and so will she, I know, my lord.He exits.
BEROWNE 
 This fellow pecks up wit as pigeons peas,

177
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ACT 5. SC. 2

 And utters it again when God doth please.
 He is wit’s peddler, and retails his wares
350 At wakes and wassails, meetings, markets, fairs.
 And we that sell by gross, the Lord doth know,
 Have not the grace to grace it with such show.
 This gallant pins the wenches on his sleeve.
 Had he been Adam, he had tempted Eve.
355 He can carve too, and lisp. Why, this is he
 That kissed his hand away in courtesy.
 This is the ape of form, Monsieur the Nice,
 That, when he plays at tables, chides the dice
 In honorable terms. Nay, he can sing
360 A mean most meanly; and in ushering
 Mend him who can. The ladies call him sweet.
 The stairs, as he treads on them, kiss his feet.
 This is the flower that smiles on everyone
 To show his teeth as white as whale’s bone;
365 And consciences that will not die in debt
 Pay him the due of “honey-tongued Boyet.”
KING 
 A blister on his sweet tongue, with my heart,
 That put Armado’s page out of his part!

Enter the Ladies, with Boyet.

BEROWNE 
 See where it comes! Behavior, what wert thou
370 Till this madman showed thee? And what art thou
 now?
KING, to Princess 
 All hail, sweet madam, and fair time of day.
PRINCESS 
  “Fair” in “all hail” is foul, as I conceive.
KING 
 Construe my speeches better, if you may.
PRINCESS 
375  Then wish me better. I will give you leave.

179
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ACT 5. SC. 2

KING 
 We came to visit you, and purpose now
  To lead you to our court. Vouchsafe it, then.
PRINCESS 
 This field shall hold me, and so hold your vow.
  Nor God nor I delights in perjured men.
KING 
380 Rebuke me not for that which you provoke.
  The virtue of your eye must break my oath.
PRINCESS 
 You nickname virtue; “vice” you should have spoke,
  For virtue’s office never breaks men’s troth.
 Now by my maiden honor, yet as pure
385  As the unsullied lily, I protest,
 A world of torments though I should endure,
  I would not yield to be your house’s guest,
 So much I hate a breaking cause to be
 Of heavenly oaths vowed with integrity.
KING 
390 O, you have lived in desolation here,
  Unseen, unvisited, much to our shame.
PRINCESS 
 Not so, my lord. It is not so, I swear.
  We have had pastimes here and pleasant game.
 A mess of Russians left us but of late.
KING 
395  How, madam? Russians?
PRINCESS   Ay, in truth, my lord.
 Trim gallants, full of courtship and of state.
ROSALINE 
  Madam, speak true.—It is not so, my lord.
 My lady, to the manner of the days,
400 In courtesy gives undeserving praise.
 We four indeed confronted were with four
 In Russian habit. Here they stayed an hour
 And talked apace; and in that hour, my lord,

181
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ACT 5. SC. 2

 They did not bless us with one happy word.
405 I dare not call them fools; but this I think:
 When they are thirsty, fools would fain have drink.
BEROWNE 
 This jest is dry to me. Gentle sweet,
 Your wits makes wise things foolish. When we greet,
 With eyes’ best seeing, heaven’s fiery eye,
410 By light we lose light. Your capacity
 Is of that nature that to your huge store
 Wise things seem foolish and rich things but poor.
ROSALINE 
 This proves you wise and rich, for in my eye—
BEROWNE 
 I am a fool, and full of poverty.
ROSALINE 
415 But that you take what doth to you belong,
 It were a fault to snatch words from my tongue.
BEROWNE 
 O, I am yours, and all that I possess!
ROSALINE 
 All the fool mine?
BEROWNE  I cannot give you less.
ROSALINE 
420 Which of the vizards was it that you wore?
BEROWNE 
 Where? When? What vizard? Why demand you this?
ROSALINE 
 There; then; that vizard; that superfluous case
 That hid the worse and showed the better face.
KING, aside to Dumaine 
 We were descried. They’ll mock us now downright.
DUMAINE, aside to King 
425 Let us confess and turn it to a jest.
PRINCESS, to King 
 Amazed, my lord? Why looks your Highness sad?

183
Love’s Labor’s Lost
ACT 5. SC. 2

ROSALINE 
 Help, hold his brows! He’ll swoon!—Why look you
 pale?
 Seasick, I think, coming from Muscovy.
BEROWNE 
430 Thus pour the stars down plagues for perjury.
  Can any face of brass hold longer out?
 Here stand I, lady. Dart thy skill at me.
  Bruise me with scorn, confound me with a flout.
 Thrust thy sharp wit quite through my ignorance.
435  Cut me to pieces with thy keen conceit,
 And I will wish thee nevermore to dance,
  Nor nevermore in Russian habit wait.
 O, never will I trust to speeches penned,
  Nor to the motion of a schoolboy’s tongue,
440 Nor never come in vizard to my friend,
  Nor woo in rhyme like a blind harper’s song.
 Taffeta phrases, silken terms precise,
  Three-piled hyperboles, spruce affectation,
 Figures pedantical—these summer flies
445  Have blown me full of maggot ostentation.
 I do forswear them, and I here protest
  By this white glove—how white the hand, God
  knows!—
 Henceforth my wooing mind shall be expressed
450  In russet yeas and honest kersey noes.
 And to begin: Wench, so God help me, law,
 My love to thee is sound, sans crack or flaw.
ROSALINE 
 Sans “sans,” I pray you.
BEROWNE  Yet I have a trick
455 Of the old rage. Bear with me, I am sick;
 I’ll leave it by degrees. Soft, let us see:
 Write “Lord have mercy on us” on those three.
 They are infected; in their hearts it lies.
 They have the plague, and caught it of your eyes.

185
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ACT 5. SC. 2

460 These lords are visited. You are not free,
 For the Lord’s tokens on you do I see.
PRINCESS 
 No, they are free that gave these tokens to us.
BEROWNE 
 Our states are forfeit. Seek not to undo us.
ROSALINE 
 It is not so, for how can this be true,
465 That you stand forfeit, being those that sue?
BEROWNE 
 Peace, for I will not have to do with you.
ROSALINE 
 Nor shall not, if I do as I intend.
BEROWNE, to King, Longaville, and Dumaine 
 Speak for yourselves. My wit is at an end.
KING, to Princess 
 Teach us, sweet madam, for our rude transgression
470 Some fair excuse.
PRINCESS  The fairest is confession.
 Were not you here but even now, disguised?
KING 
 Madam, I was.
PRINCESS  And were you well advised?
KING 
475 I was, fair madam.
PRINCESS  When you then were here,
 What did you whisper in your lady’s ear?
KING 
 That more than all the world I did respect her.
PRINCESS 
 When she shall challenge this, you will reject her.
KING 
480 Upon mine honor, no.
PRINCESS  Peace, peace, forbear!
 Your oath once broke, you force not to forswear.
KING 
 Despise me when I break this oath of mine.

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PRINCESS 
 I will, and therefore keep it.—Rosaline,
485 What did the Russian whisper in your ear?
ROSALINE 
 Madam, he swore that he did hold me dear
 As precious eyesight, and did value me
 Above this world, adding thereto moreover
 That he would wed me or else die my lover.
PRINCESS 
490 God give thee joy of him! The noble lord
 Most honorably doth uphold his word.
KING 
 What mean you, madam? By my life, my troth,
 I never swore this lady such an oath.
ROSALINE 
 By heaven, you did! And to confirm it plain,
495 You gave me this. She shows a token. But take it,
 sir, again.
KING 
 My faith and this the Princess I did give.
 I knew her by this jewel on her sleeve.
PRINCESS 
 Pardon me, sir. This jewel did she wear.
She points to Rosaline.
500 And Lord Berowne, I thank him, is my dear.
 To Berowne. What, will you have me, or your pearl
 again?She shows the token.
BEROWNE 
 Neither of either. I remit both twain.
 I see the trick on ’t. Here was a consent,
505 Knowing aforehand of our merriment,
 To dash it like a Christmas comedy.
 Some carry-tale, some please-man, some slight
 zany,
 Some mumble-news, some trencher-knight, some
510 Dick,

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 That smiles his cheek in years and knows the trick
 To make my lady laugh when she’s disposed,
 Told our intents before; which once disclosed,
 The ladies did change favors; and then we,
515 Following the signs, wooed but the sign of she.
 Now, to our perjury to add more terror,
 We are again forsworn in will and error.
 Much upon this ’tis. To Boyet. And might not you
 Forestall our sport, to make us thus untrue?
520 Do not you know my lady’s foot by th’ squier?
  And laugh upon the apple of her eye?
 And stand between her back, sir, and the fire,
  Holding a trencher, jesting merrily?
 You put our page out. Go, you are allowed.
525 Die when you will, a smock shall be your shroud.
 You leer upon me, do you? There’s an eye
 Wounds like a leaden sword.
BOYET  Full merrily
 Hath this brave manage, this career been run.
BEROWNE 
530 Lo, he is tilting straight! Peace, I have done.

Enter Clown Costard.

 Welcome, pure wit. Thou part’st a fair fray.
COSTARD O Lord, sir, they would know
 Whether the three Worthies shall come in or no.
BEROWNE 
 What, are there but three?
COSTARD 535 No, sir; but it is vara fine,
 For every one pursents three.
BEROWNE  And three times thrice
 is nine.
COSTARD 
 Not so, sir, under correction, sir, I hope it is not so.

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540 You cannot beg us, sir, I can assure you, sir; we
 know what we know.
 I hope, sir, three times thrice, sir—
BEROWNE  Is not nine?
COSTARD Under correction, sir, we know whereuntil it
545 doth amount.
BEROWNE 
 By Jove, I always took three threes for nine.
COSTARD O Lord, sir, it were pity you should get your
 living by reckoning, sir.
BEROWNE How much is it?
COSTARD 550O Lord, sir, the parties themselves, the actors,
 sir, will show whereuntil it doth amount. For
 mine own part, I am, as they say, but to parfect one
 man in one poor man—Pompion the Great, sir.
BEROWNE Art thou one of the Worthies?
COSTARD 555It pleased them to think me worthy of Pompey
 the Great. For mine own part, I know not the
 degree of the Worthy, but I am to stand for him.
BEROWNE Go bid them prepare.
COSTARD 
 We will turn it finely off, sir. We will take some
560 care.He exits.
KING 
 Berowne, they will shame us. Let them not
 approach.
BEROWNE 
 We are shame-proof, my lord; and ’tis some policy
 To have one show worse than the King’s and his
565 company.
KING I say they shall not come.
PRINCESS 
 Nay, my good lord, let me o’errule you now.
 That sport best pleases that doth least know how,

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 Where zeal strives to content, and the contents
570 Dies in the zeal of that which it presents.
 Their form confounded makes most form in mirth,
 When great things laboring perish in their birth.
BEROWNE 
 A right description of our sport, my lord.

Enter Braggart Armado.

ARMADO, to King Anointed, I implore so much expense
575 of thy royal sweet breath as will utter a brace
 of words.Armado and King step aside, and
Armado gives King a paper.

PRINCESS Doth this man serve God?
BEROWNE Why ask you?
PRINCESS 
 He speaks not like a man of God his making.
ARMADO, to King 580That is all one, my fair sweet honey
 monarch, for, I protest, the schoolmaster is exceeding
 fantastical, too, too vain, too, too vain. But
 we will put it, as they say, to fortuna de la guerra.—I
 wish you the peace of mind, most royal
585 couplement!He exits.
KING, reading the paper Here is like to be a good
 presence of Worthies. He presents Hector of Troy,
 the swain Pompey the Great, the parish curate
 Alexander, Armado’s page Hercules, the pedant
590 Judas Maccabaeus.
 And if these four Worthies in their first show thrive,
 These four will change habits and present the other
 five.
BEROWNE There is five in the first show.
KING 595You are deceived. ’Tis not so.
BEROWNE The pedant, the braggart, the hedge
 priest, the fool, and the boy.
 Abate throw at novum, and the whole world again
 Cannot pick out five such, take each one in his vein.

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KING 
600 The ship is under sail, and here she comes amain.

Enter Costard as Pompey.

COSTARD 
 I Pompey am—
BEROWNE  You lie; you are not he.
COSTARD 
 I Pompey am—
BOYET  With leopard’s head on knee.
BEROWNE 
605 Well said, old mocker. I must needs be friends with
 thee.
COSTARD 
 I Pompey am, Pompey, surnamed the Big—
DUMAINE “The Great.”
COSTARD 
 It is “Great,” sir.—Pompey, surnamed the
610 Great,
 That oft in field, with targe and shield, did make my
 foe to sweat.
 And traveling along this coast, I here am come by
 chance,
615 And lay my arms before the legs of this sweet lass of
 France.

(He places his weapons at the feet of the Princess.)
 If your Ladyship would say “Thanks, Pompey,” I
 had done.
PRINCESS Great thanks, great Pompey.
COSTARD 620’Tis not so much worth, but I hope I was
 perfect. I made a little fault in “Great.”
BEROWNE My hat to a halfpenny, Pompey proves the
 best Worthy.Costard stands aside.

Enter Curate Nathaniel for Alexander.

NATHANIEL 
 When in the world I lived, I was the world’s
625 commander.

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 By east, west, north, and south, I spread my
 conquering might.
 My scutcheon plain declares that I am Alisander—

BOYET 
 Your nose says no, you are not, for it stands too
630 right.
BEROWNE, to Boyet 
 Your nose smells “no” in this, most tender-smelling
 knight.
PRINCESS 
 The conqueror is dismayed.—Proceed, good
 Alexander.
NATHANIEL 
635 When in the world I lived, I was the world’s
 commander—

BOYET 
 Most true; ’tis right. You were so, Alisander.
BEROWNE, to Costard Pompey the Great—
COSTARD Your servant, and Costard.
BEROWNE 640Take away the conqueror. Take away
 Alisander.
COSTARD, to Nathaniel O sir, you have overthrown
 Alisander the Conqueror. You will be scraped out of
 the painted cloth for this. Your lion, that holds his
645 polax sitting on a close-stool, will be given to Ajax.
 He will be the ninth Worthy. A conqueror, and
 afeard to speak? Run away for shame, Alisander.
Nathaniel exits.
 There, an ’t shall please you, a foolish mild man, an
 honest man, look you, and soon dashed. He is a
650 marvelous good neighbor, faith, and a very good
 bowler. But, for Alisander—alas, you see how ’tis—
 a little o’erparted. But there are Worthies a-coming
 will speak their mind in some other sort.

Enter Pedant Holofernes for Judas, and the Boy
for Hercules.



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PRINCESS, to Costard Stand aside, good Pompey.
HOLOFERNES 
655 Great Hercules is presented by this imp,
  Whose club killed Cerberus, that three-headed canus,
 And when he was a babe, a child, a shrimp,
  Thus did he strangle serpents in his manus.
 Quoniam he seemeth in minority,
660 Ergo I come with this apology.

 To Boy. Keep some state in thy exit, and vanish.
Boy steps aside.
HOLOFERNES 
 Judas I am—
DUMAINE A Judas!
HOLOFERNES Not Iscariot, sir.
665 Judas I am, yclept Maccabaeus.
DUMAINE Judas Maccabaeus clipped is plain Judas.
BEROWNE A kissing traitor.—How art thou proved
 Judas?
HOLOFERNES 
 Judas I am—
DUMAINE 670The more shame for you, Judas.
HOLOFERNES What mean you, sir?
BOYET To make Judas hang himself.
HOLOFERNES Begin, sir, you are my elder.
BEROWNE Well followed. Judas was hanged on an
675 elder.
HOLOFERNES I will not be put out of countenance.
BEROWNE Because thou hast no face.
HOLOFERNES What is this?He points to his own face.
BOYET A cittern-head.
DUMAINE 680The head of a bodkin.
BEROWNE A death’s face in a ring.
LONGAVILLE The face of an old Roman coin, scarce
 seen.
BOYET The pommel of Caesar’s falchion.

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DUMAINE 685The carved-bone face on a flask.
BEROWNE Saint George’s half-cheek in a brooch.
DUMAINE Ay, and in a brooch of lead.
BEROWNE Ay, and worn in the cap of a tooth-drawer.
 And now forward, for we have put thee in
690 countenance.
HOLOFERNES You have put me out of countenance.
BEROWNE False. We have given thee faces.
HOLOFERNES But you have outfaced them all.
BEROWNE 
 An thou wert a lion, we would do so.
BOYET 
695 Therefore, as he is an ass, let him go.—
 And so adieu, sweet Jude. Nay, why dost thou stay?
DUMAINE For the latter end of his name.
BEROWNE 
 For the “ass” to the “Jude”? Give it him.—Jud-as,
 away!
HOLOFERNES 
700 This is not generous, not gentle, not humble.
BOYET 
 A light for Monsieur Judas! It grows dark; he may
 stumble.Holofernes exits.
PRINCESS 
 Alas, poor Maccabaeus, how hath he been baited!

Enter Braggart Armado as Hector.

BEROWNE Hide thy head, Achilles. Here comes Hector
705 in arms.
DUMAINE Though my mocks come home by me, I will
 now be merry.
KING Hector was but a Troyan in respect of this.
BOYET But is this Hector?
KING 710I think Hector was not so clean-timbered.
LONGAVILLE His leg is too big for Hector’s.
DUMAINE More calf, certain.

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BOYET No, he is best endued in the small.
BEROWNE This cannot be Hector.
DUMAINE 715He’s a god or a painter, for he makes faces.
ARMADO 
 The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty,
  Gave Hector a gift—

DUMAINE A gilt nutmeg.
BEROWNE A lemon.
LONGAVILLE 720Stuck with cloves.
DUMAINE No, cloven.
ARMADO Peace!
 The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty,
  Gave Hector a gift, the heir of Ilion,
725 A man so breathed, that certain he would fight, yea,
  From morn till night, out of his pavilion.
 I am that flower—

DUMAINE That mint.
LONGAVILLE That columbine.
ARMADO 730Sweet Lord Longaville, rein thy tongue.
LONGAVILLE I must rather give it the rein, for it runs
 against Hector.
DUMAINE Ay, and Hector’s a greyhound.
ARMADO The sweet warman is dead and rotten. Sweet
735 chucks, beat not the bones of the buried. When he
 breathed, he was a man. But I will forward with my
 device. To Princess. Sweet royalty, bestow on me
 the sense of hearing.
Berowne steps forth.
PRINCESS 
 Speak, brave Hector. We are much delighted.
ARMADO 740I do adore thy sweet Grace’s slipper.
BOYET Loves her by the foot.
DUMAINE He may not by the yard.
ARMADO 
 This Hector far surmounted Hannibal.
 The party is gone—


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ACT 5. SC. 2

COSTARD 745Fellow Hector, she is gone; she is two
 months on her way.
ARMADO What meanest thou?
COSTARD Faith, unless you play the honest Troyan, the
 poor wench is cast away. She’s quick; the child
750 brags in her belly already. ’Tis yours.
ARMADO Dost thou infamonize me among potentates?
 Thou shalt die!
COSTARD Then shall Hector be whipped for Jaquenetta,
 that is quick by him, and hanged for Pompey,
755 that is dead by him.
DUMAINE Most rare Pompey!
BOYET Renowned Pompey!
BEROWNE Greater than “Great”! Great, great, great
 Pompey. Pompey the Huge!
DUMAINE 760Hector trembles.
BEROWNE Pompey is moved. More Ates, more Ates!
 Stir them on, stir them on.
DUMAINE Hector will challenge him.
BEROWNE Ay, if he have no more man’s blood in his
765 belly than will sup a flea.
ARMADO, to Costard By the North Pole, I do challenge
 thee!
COSTARD I will not fight with a pole like a northern
 man! I’ll slash. I’ll do it by the sword.—I bepray
770 you, let me borrow my arms again.
DUMAINE Room for the incensed Worthies!
COSTARD I’ll do it in my shirt.He removes his doublet.
DUMAINE Most resolute Pompey!
BOY, to Armado Master, let me take you a buttonhole
775 lower. Do you not see Pompey is uncasing for the
 combat? What mean you? You will lose your
 reputation.
ARMADO Gentlemen and soldiers, pardon me. I will
 not combat in my shirt.

207
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ACT 5. SC. 2

DUMAINE 780You may not deny it. Pompey hath made the
 challenge.
ARMADO Sweet bloods, I both may and will.
BEROWNE What reason have you for ’t?
ARMADO The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt. I go
785 woolward for penance.
BOYET True, and it was enjoined him in Rome for want
 of linen; since when, I’ll be sworn, he wore none
 but a dishclout of Jaquenetta’s, and that he wears
 next his heart for a favor.

Enter a Messenger, Monsieur Marcade.

MARCADE, to Princess 790God save you, madam.
PRINCESS Welcome, Marcade,
 But that thou interruptest our merriment.
MARCADE 
 I am sorry, madam, for the news I bring
 Is heavy in my tongue. The King your father—
PRINCESS 
795 Dead, for my life.
MARCADE  Even so. My tale is told.
BEROWNE 
 Worthies, away! The scene begins to cloud.
ARMADO For mine own part, I breathe free breath. I
 have seen the day of wrong through the little hole
800 of discretion, and I will right myself like a soldier.
Worthies exit.
KING, to Princess How fares your Majesty?
PRINCESS 
 Boyet, prepare. I will away tonight.
KING 
 Madam, not so. I do beseech you stay.
PRINCESS, to Boyet 
 Prepare, I say.—I thank you, gracious lords,
805 For all your fair endeavors, and entreat,
 Out of a new-sad soul, that you vouchsafe

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ACT 5. SC. 2

 In your rich wisdom to excuse or hide
 The liberal opposition of our spirits,
 If overboldly we have borne ourselves
810 In the converse of breath; your gentleness
 Was guilty of it. Farewell, worthy lord.
 A heavy heart bears not a humble tongue.
 Excuse me so, coming too short of thanks
 For my great suit so easily obtained.
KING 
815 The extreme parts of time extremely forms
 All causes to the purpose of his speed,
 And often at his very loose decides
 That which long process could not arbitrate.
 And though the mourning brow of progeny
820 Forbid the smiling courtesy of love
 The holy suit which fain it would convince,
 Yet since love’s argument was first on foot,
 Let not the cloud of sorrow jostle it
 From what it purposed, since to wail friends lost
825 Is not by much so wholesome-profitable
 As to rejoice at friends but newly found.
PRINCESS 
 I understand you not. My griefs are double.
BEROWNE 
 Honest plain words best pierce the ear of grief,
 And by these badges understand the King:
830 For your fair sakes have we neglected time,
 Played foul play with our oaths. Your beauty, ladies,
 Hath much deformed us, fashioning our humors
 Even to the opposèd end of our intents.
 And what in us hath seemed ridiculous—
835 As love is full of unbefitting strains,
 All wanton as a child, skipping and vain,
 Formed by the eye and therefore, like the eye,
 Full of strange shapes, of habits, and of forms,
 Varying in subjects as the eye doth roll

211
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ACT 5. SC. 2

840 To every varied object in his glance;
 Which parti-coated presence of loose love
 Put on by us, if, in your heavenly eyes,
 Have misbecomed our oaths and gravities,
 Those heavenly eyes, that look into these faults,
845 Suggested us to make. Therefore, ladies,
 Our love being yours, the error that love makes
 Is likewise yours. We to ourselves prove false
 By being once false forever to be true
 To those that make us both—fair ladies, you.
850 And even that falsehood, in itself a sin,
 Thus purifies itself and turns to grace.
PRINCESS 
 We have received your letters full of love;
 Your favors, the ambassadors of love;
 And in our maiden council rated them
855 At courtship, pleasant jest, and courtesy,
 As bombast and as lining to the time.
 But more devout than this in our respects
 Have we not been, and therefore met your loves
 In their own fashion, like a merriment.
DUMAINE 
860 Our letters, madam, showed much more than jest.
LONGAVILLE 
 So did our looks.
ROSALINE  We did not quote them so.
KING 
 Now, at the latest minute of the hour,
 Grant us your loves.
PRINCESS 865 A time, methinks, too short
 To make a world-without-end bargain in.
 No, no, my lord, your Grace is perjured much,
 Full of dear guiltiness, and therefore this:
 If for my love—as there is no such cause—
870 You will do aught, this shall you do for me:
 Your oath I will not trust, but go with speed

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ACT 5. SC. 2

 To some forlorn and naked hermitage,
 Remote from all the pleasures of the world.
 There stay until the twelve celestial signs
875 Have brought about the annual reckoning.
 If this austere insociable life
 Change not your offer made in heat of blood;
 If frosts and fasts, hard lodging, and thin weeds
 Nip not the gaudy blossoms of your love,
880 But that it bear this trial, and last love;
 Then, at the expiration of the year,
 Come challenge me, challenge me by these deserts,
She takes his hand.
 And by this virgin palm now kissing thine,
 I will be thine. And till that instant shut
885 My woeful self up in a mourning house,
 Raining the tears of lamentation
 For the remembrance of my father’s death.
 If this thou do deny, let our hands part,
 Neither entitled in the other’s heart.
KING 
890 If this, or more than this, I would deny,
  To flatter up these powers of mine with rest,
 The sudden hand of death close up mine eye!
  Hence hermit, then. My heart is in thy breast.
They step aside.
DUMAINE, to Katherine 
 But what to me, my love? But what to me?
895 A wife?
KATHERINE  A beard, fair health, and honesty.
 With threefold love I wish you all these three.
DUMAINE 
 O, shall I say “I thank you, gentle wife”?
KATHERINE 
 Not so, my lord. A twelvemonth and a day
900 I’ll mark no words that smooth-faced wooers say.

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ACT 5. SC. 2

 Come when the King doth to my lady come;
 Then, if I have much love, I’ll give you some.
DUMAINE 
 I’ll serve thee true and faithfully till then.
KATHERINE 
 Yet swear not, lest you be forsworn again.
They step aside.
LONGAVILLE 
905 What says Maria?
MARIA  At the twelvemonth’s end
 I’ll change my black gown for a faithful friend.
LONGAVILLE 
 I’ll stay with patience, but the time is long.
MARIA 
 The liker you; few taller are so young.
They step aside.
BEROWNE, to Rosaline 
910 Studies my lady? Mistress, look on me.
 Behold the window of my heart, mine eye,
 What humble suit attends thy answer there.
 Impose some service on me for thy love.
ROSALINE 
 Oft have I heard of you, my Lord Berowne,
915 Before I saw you; and the world’s large tongue
 Proclaims you for a man replete with mocks,
 Full of comparisons and wounding flouts,
 Which you on all estates will execute
 That lie within the mercy of your wit.
920 To weed this wormwood from your fruitful brain,
 And therewithal to win me, if you please,
 Without the which I am not to be won,
 You shall this twelvemonth term from day to day
 Visit the speechless sick, and still converse
925 With groaning wretches; and your task shall be,
 With all the fierce endeavor of your wit,
 To enforce the painèd impotent to smile.

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ACT 5. SC. 2

BEROWNE 
 To move wild laughter in the throat of death?
 It cannot be, it is impossible.
930 Mirth cannot move a soul in agony.
ROSALINE 
 Why, that’s the way to choke a gibing spirit,
 Whose influence is begot of that loose grace
 Which shallow laughing hearers give to fools.
 A jest’s prosperity lies in the ear
935 Of him that hears it, never in the tongue
 Of him that makes it. Then if sickly ears,
 Deafed with the clamors of their own dear groans
 Will hear your idle scorns, continue then,
 And I will have you and that fault withal.
940 But if they will not, throw away that spirit,
 And I shall find you empty of that fault,
 Right joyful of your reformation.
BEROWNE 
 A twelvemonth? Well, befall what will befall,
 I’ll jest a twelvemonth in an hospital.
PRINCESS, to King 
945 Ay, sweet my lord, and so I take my leave.
KING 
 No, madam, we will bring you on your way.
BEROWNE 
 Our wooing doth not end like an old play.
 Jack hath not Jill. These ladies’ courtesy
 Might well have made our sport a comedy.
KING 
950 Come, sir, it wants a twelvemonth and a day,
 And then ’twill end.
BEROWNE  That’s too long for a play.

Enter Braggart Armado.

ARMADO Sweet Majesty, vouchsafe me—

219
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ACT 5. SC. 2

PRINCESS 
 Was not that Hector?
DUMAINE 955 The worthy knight of Troy.
ARMADO I will kiss thy royal finger, and take leave. I
 am a votary; I have vowed to Jaquenetta to hold the
 plow for her sweet love three year. But, most
 esteemed Greatness, will you hear the dialogue that
960 the two learned men have compiled in praise of the
 owl and the cuckoo? It should have followed in the
 end of our show.
KING Call them forth quickly. We will do so.
ARMADO Holla! Approach.

Enter all.

965 This side is Hiems, Winter; this Ver, the Spring; the
 one maintained by the owl, th’ other by the cuckoo.
 Ver, begin.
The Song.

SPRING 
 When daisies pied and violets blue,
  And lady-smocks all silver-white,
970 And cuckoo-buds of yellow hue
  Do paint the meadows with delight,
 The cuckoo then on every tree
 Mocks married men; for thus sings he:
  “Cuckoo!
975 Cuckoo, cuckoo!” O word of fear,
 Unpleasing to a married ear.

 When shepherds pipe on oaten straws,
  And merry larks are plowmen’s clocks;
 When turtles tread, and rooks and daws,
980  And maidens bleach their summer smocks;
 The cuckoo then on every tree
 Mocks married men, for thus sings he:
  “Cuckoo!

221
Love’s Labor’s Lost
ACT 5. SC. 2

 Cuckoo, cuckoo!” O word of fear,
985 Unpleasing to a married ear.


WINTER 
 When icicles hang by the wall,
  And Dick the shepherd blows his nail,
 And Tom bears logs into the hall,
  And milk comes frozen home in pail;
990 When blood is nipped, and ways be foul,
 Then nightly sings the staring owl
 “Tu-whit to-who.” A merry note,
 While greasy Joan doth keel the pot.

 When all aloud the wind doth blow,
995  And coughing drowns the parson’s saw,
 And birds sit brooding in the snow,
  And Marian’s nose looks red and raw;
 When roasted crabs hiss in the bowl,
 Then nightly sings the staring owl
1000 “Tu-whit to-who.” A merry note,
 While greasy Joan doth keel the pot.


ARMADO The words of Mercury are harsh after the
 songs of Apollo. You that way; we this way.
They all exit.