Enter Kent ⌜in disguise.⌝KENT If but as ⟨well⟩ I other accents borrow That can my speech diffuse, my good intent May carry through itself to that full issue For which I razed my likeness. Now, banished Kent,5 If thou canst serve where thou dost stand condemned, So may it come thy master, whom thou lov’st, Shall find thee full of labors.Horns within. Enter Lear, ⌜Knights,⌝ and Attendants.LEAR Let me not stay a jot for dinner. Go get it ready.⌜An Attendant exits.⌝10 How now, what art thou?KENT A man, sir.LEAR What dost thou profess? What wouldst thou with us?KENT I do profess to be no less than I seem, to serve15 him truly that will put me in trust, to love him that is honest, to converse with him that is wise and says little, to fear judgment, to fight when I cannot choose, and to eat no fish.LEAR What art thou?KENT 20A very honest-hearted fellow, and as poor as the King.LEAR If thou be’st as poor for a subject as he’s for a king, thou art poor enough. What wouldst thou?KENT Service.LEAR 25Who wouldst thou serve?KENT You.LEAR Dost thou know me, fellow?KENT No, sir, but you have that in your countenance which I would fain call master.
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LEAR 30What’s that?KENT Authority.LEAR What services canst do?KENT I can keep honest counsel, ride, run, mar a curious tale in telling it, and deliver a plain message35 bluntly. That which ordinary men are fit for I am qualified in, and the best of me is diligence.LEAR How old art thou?KENT Not so young, sir, to love a woman for singing, nor so old to dote on her for anything. I have years40 on my back forty-eight.LEAR Follow me. Thou shalt serve me—if I like thee no worse after dinner. I will not part from thee yet.—Dinner, ho, dinner!—Where’s my knave, my Fool? Go you and call my Fool hither.⌜An Attendant exits.⌝Enter ⌜Oswald, the⌝ Steward.45 You, you, sirrah, where’s my daughter?OSWALD So please you—He exits.LEAR What says the fellow there? Call the clotpole back. ⌜A Knight exits.⌝ Where’s my Fool? Ho! I think the world’s asleep.⌜Enter Knight again.⌝50 How now? Where’s that mongrel?KNIGHT He says, my lord, your ⟨daughter⟩ is not well.LEAR Why came not the slave back to me when I called him?KNIGHT Sir, he answered me in the roundest manner,55 he would not.LEAR He would not?KNIGHT My lord, I know not what the matter is, but to my judgment your Highness is not entertained with that ceremonious affection as you were wont.60 There’s a great abatement of kindness appears as
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well in the general dependents as in the Duke himself also, and your daughter.LEAR Ha? Sayst thou so?KNIGHT I beseech you pardon me, my lord, if I be65 mistaken, for my duty cannot be silent when I think your Highness wronged.LEAR Thou but remembrest me of mine own conception. I have perceived a most faint neglect of late, which I have rather blamed as mine own jealous70 curiosity than as a very pretense and purpose of unkindness. I will look further into ’t. But where’s my Fool? I have not seen him this two days.KNIGHT Since my young lady’s going into France, sir, the Fool hath much pined away.LEAR 75No more of that. I have noted it well.—Go you and tell my daughter I would speak with her. ⌜An
Attendant exits.⌝ Go you call hither my Fool.⌜Another exits.⌝Enter ⌜Oswald, the⌝ Steward. O you, sir, you, come you hither, sir. Who am I, sir?OSWALD My lady’s father.LEAR 80“My lady’s father”? My lord’s knave! You whoreson dog, you slave, you cur!OSWALD I am none of these, my lord, I beseech your pardon.LEAR Do you bandy looks with me, you rascal?⌜Lear strikes him.⌝OSWALD 85I’ll not be strucken, my lord.KENT, ⌜tripping him⌝ Nor tripped neither, you base football player?LEAR I thank thee, fellow. Thou serv’st me, and I’ll love thee.KENT, ⌜to Oswald⌝ 90Come, sir, arise. Away. I’ll teach you differences. Away, away. If you will measure your lubber’s length again, tarry. But away. Go to. Have you wisdom? So.⌜Oswald exits.⌝
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LEAR Now, my friendly knave, I thank thee. There’s95 earnest of thy service.⌜He gives Kent a purse.⌝Enter Fool.FOOL Let me hire him too. ⌜To Kent.⌝ Here’s my coxcomb.⌜He offers Kent his cap.⌝LEAR How now, my pretty knave, how dost thou?FOOL, ⌜to Kent⌝ Sirrah, you were best take my100 coxcomb.LEAR Why, my boy?FOOL Why? For taking one’s part that’s out of favor. ⌜To Kent.⌝ Nay, an thou canst not smile as the wind sits, thou ’lt catch cold shortly. There, take my105 coxcomb. Why, this fellow has banished two on ’s daughters and did the third a blessing against his will. If thou follow him, thou must needs wear my coxcomb.—How now, nuncle? Would I had two coxcombs and two daughters.LEAR 110Why, my boy?FOOL If I gave them all my living, I’d keep my coxcombs myself. There’s mine. Beg another of thy daughters.LEAR Take heed, sirrah—the whip.FOOL 115Truth’s a dog must to kennel; he must be whipped out, when the Lady Brach may stand by th’ fire and stink.LEAR A pestilent gall to me!FOOL Sirrah, I’ll teach thee a speech.LEAR 120Do.FOOL Mark it, nuncle:
Have more than thou showest.
Speak less than thou knowest,
Lend less than thou owest,
125 Ride more than thou goest,
Learn more than thou trowest,
Set less than thou throwest;
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Leave thy drink and thy whore
And keep in-a-door,
130 And thou shalt have more
Than two tens to a score.KENT This is nothing, Fool.FOOL Then ’tis like the breath of an unfee’d lawyer. You gave me nothing for ’t.—Can you make no use135 of nothing, nuncle?LEAR Why no, boy. Nothing can be made out of nothing.FOOL, ⌜to Kent⌝ Prithee tell him, so much the rent of his land comes to. He will not believe a Fool.LEAR 140A bitter Fool!FOOL Dost know the difference, my boy, between a bitter fool and a sweet one?LEAR No, lad, teach me.FOOL ⟨That lord that counseled thee
145 To give away thy land,
Come place him here by me;
Do thou for him stand.
The sweet and bitter fool
Will presently appear:
150 The one in motley here,
The other found out there.LEAR Dost thou call me “fool,” boy?FOOL All thy other titles thou hast given away. That thou wast born with.KENT 155This is not altogether fool, my lord.FOOL No, faith, lords and great men will not let me. If I had a monopoly out, they would have part on ’t. And ladies too, they will not let me have all the fool to myself; they’ll be snatching.⟩—Nuncle, give me160 an egg, and I’ll give thee two crowns.LEAR What two crowns shall they be?FOOL Why, after I have cut the egg i’ th’ middle and eat up the meat, the two crowns of the egg. When thou
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clovest thy ⟨crown⟩ i’ th’ middle and gav’st away165 both parts, thou bor’st thine ass on thy back o’er the dirt. Thou hadst little wit in thy bald crown when thou gav’st thy golden one away. If I speak like myself in this, let him be whipped that first finds it so. ⌜Sings.⌝170 Fools had ne’er less grace in a year,
For wise men are grown foppish
And know not how their wits to wear,
Their manners are so apish.LEAR When were you wont to be so full of songs,175 sirrah?FOOL I have used it, nuncle, e’er since thou mad’st thy daughters thy mothers. For when thou gav’st them the rod and put’st down thine own breeches,⌜Sings.⌝ Then they for sudden joy did weep,
180 And I for sorrow sung,
That such a king should play bo-peep
And go the ⟨fools⟩ among. Prithee, nuncle, keep a schoolmaster that can teach thy Fool to lie. I would fain learn to lie.LEAR 185An you lie, sirrah, we’ll have you whipped.FOOL I marvel what kin thou and thy daughters are. They’ll have me whipped for speaking true, thou ’lt have me whipped for lying, and sometimes I am whipped for holding my peace. I had rather be any190 kind o’ thing than a Fool. And yet I would not be thee, nuncle. Thou hast pared thy wit o’ both sides and left nothing i’ th’ middle. Here comes one o’ the parings.Enter Goneril.LEAR How now, daughter? What makes that frontlet on?195 ⟨Methinks⟩ you are too much of late i’ th’ frown.
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FOOL Thou wast a pretty fellow when thou hadst no need to care for her frowning. Now thou art an O without a figure. I am better than thou art now. I am a Fool. Thou art nothing. ⌜To Goneril.⌝ Yes,200 forsooth, I will hold my tongue. So your face bids me, though you say nothing. Mum, mum,
He that keeps nor crust ⟨nor⟩ crumb,
Weary of all, shall want some.⌜He points at Lear.⌝205 That’s a shelled peascod.GONERIL Not only, sir, this your all-licensed Fool, But other of your insolent retinue Do hourly carp and quarrel, breaking forth In rank and not-to-be-endurèd riots. Sir,210 I had thought by making this well known unto you To have found a safe redress, but now grow fearful, By what yourself too late have spoke and done, That you protect this course and put it on By your allowance; which if you should, the fault215 Would not ’scape censure, nor the redresses sleep Which in the tender of a wholesome weal Might in their working do you that offense, Which else were shame, that then necessity Will call discreet proceeding.FOOL 220For you know, nuncle,
The hedge-sparrow fed the cuckoo so long,
That it’s had it head bit off by it young. So out went the candle, and we were left darkling.LEAR Are you our daughter?GONERIL 225 I would you would make use of your good wisdom, Whereof I know you are fraught, and put away These dispositions which of late transport you From what you rightly are.
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FOOL May not an ass know when the cart draws the230 horse? Whoop, Jug, I love thee!LEAR Does any here know me? This is not Lear. Does Lear walk thus, speak thus? Where are his eyes? Either his notion weakens, his discernings235 Are lethargied—Ha! Waking? ’Tis not so. Who is it that can tell me who I am?FOOL Lear’s shadow.⟨LEAR I would learn that, for, by the marks of sovereignty,240 Knowledge, and reason, I should be false persuaded I had daughters.FOOL Which they will make an obedient father.⟩LEAR Your name, fair gentlewoman?GONERIL This admiration, sir, is much o’ th’ savor245 Of other your new pranks. I do beseech you To understand my purposes aright. As you are old and reverend, should be wise. Here do you keep a hundred knights and squires, Men so disordered, so debauched and bold,250 That this our court, infected with their manners, Shows like a riotous inn. Epicurism and lust Makes it more like a tavern or a brothel Than a graced palace. The shame itself doth speak For instant remedy. Be then desired,255 By her that else will take the thing she begs, A little to disquantity your train, And the remainders that shall still depend To be such men as may besort your age, Which know themselves and you.LEAR 260 Darkness and devils!— Saddle my horses. Call my train together.⌜Some exit.⌝
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Degenerate bastard, I’ll not trouble thee. Yet have I left a daughter.GONERIL 265 You strike my people, and your disordered rabble Make servants of their betters.Enter Albany.LEAR Woe that too late repents!—⟨O, sir, are you come?⟩ Is it your will? Speak, sir.—Prepare my horses.⌜Some exit.⌝270 Ingratitude, thou marble-hearted fiend, More hideous when thou show’st thee in a child Than the sea monster![ALBANY Pray, sir, be patient.]LEAR, ⌜to Goneril⌝ Detested kite, thou liest.275 My train are men of choice and rarest parts, That all particulars of duty know And in the most exact regard support The worships of their name. O most small fault, How ugly didst thou in Cordelia show,280 Which, like an engine, wrenched my frame of nature From the fixed place, drew from my heart all love And added to the gall! O Lear, Lear, Lear!⌜He strikes his head.⌝ Beat at this gate that let thy folly in285 And thy dear judgment out. Go, go, my people.⌜Some exit.⌝ALBANY My lord, I am guiltless as I am ignorant [Of what hath moved you.]LEAR It may be so, my lord.— Hear, Nature, hear, dear goddess, hear!290 Suspend thy purpose if thou didst intend
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To make this creature fruitful. Into her womb convey sterility. Dry up in her the organs of increase, And from her derogate body never spring295 A babe to honor her. If she must teem, Create her child of spleen, that it may live And be a thwart disnatured torment to her. Let it stamp wrinkles in her brow of youth, With cadent tears fret channels in her cheeks,300 Turn all her mother’s pains and benefits To laughter and contempt, that she may feel How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is To have a thankless child.—Away, away!⌜Lear and the rest of his train⌝ exit.ALBANY Now, gods that we adore, whereof comes this?GONERIL 305 Never afflict yourself to know more of it, But let his disposition have that scope As dotage gives it.Enter Lear ⌜and the Fool.⌝LEAR What, fifty of my followers at a clap? Within a fortnight?ALBANY 310 What’s the matter, sir?LEAR I’ll tell thee. ⌜To Goneril.⌝ Life and death! I am ashamed That thou hast power to shake my manhood thus, That these hot tears, which break from me perforce,315 Should make thee worth them. Blasts and fogs upon thee! Th’ untented woundings of a father’s curse Pierce every sense about thee! Old fond eyes, Beweep this cause again, I’ll pluck you out
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320 And cast you, with the waters that you loose, To temper clay. ⟨Yea, is ’t come to this?⟩ Ha! Let it be so. I have another daughter Who, I am sure, is kind and comfortable. When she shall hear this of thee, with her nails325 She’ll flay thy wolvish visage. Thou shalt find That I’ll resume the shape which thou dost think I have cast off forever.He exits.GONERIL Do you mark that?ALBANY I cannot be so partial, Goneril,330 To the great love I bear you—GONERIL Pray you, content.—What, Oswald, ho!— You, sir, more knave than Fool, after your master.FOOL Nuncle Lear, Nuncle Lear, tarry. Take the Fool with thee.
335 A fox, when one has caught her,
And such a daughter,
Should sure to the slaughter,
If my cap would buy a halter.
So the Fool follows after.He exits.[GONERIL 340 This man hath had good counsel. A hundred knights! ’Tis politic and safe to let him keep At point a hundred knights! Yes, that on every dream,345 Each buzz, each fancy, each complaint, dislike, He may enguard his dotage with their powers And hold our lives in mercy.—Oswald, I say!ALBANY Well, you may fear too far.GONERIL Safer than trust too far.350 Let me still take away the harms I fear, Not fear still to be taken. I know his heart. What he hath uttered I have writ my sister. If she sustain him and his hundred knights When I have showed th’ unfitness—
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Enter ⌜Oswald, the⌝ Steward.355 How now, Oswald?] What, have you writ that letter to my sister?OSWALD Ay, madam.GONERIL Take you some company and away to horse. Inform her full of my particular fear,360 And thereto add such reasons of your own As may compact it more. Get you gone, And hasten your return. ⌜Oswald exits.⌝ No, no, my lord, This milky gentleness and course of yours,365 Though I condemn not, yet, under pardon, ⌜You⌝ are much more at task for want of wisdom Than praised for harmful mildness.ALBANY How far your eyes may pierce I cannot tell. Striving to better, oft we mar what’s well.GONERIL 370Nay, then—ALBANY Well, well, th’ event.They exit.
King Lear: 
