Enter Justice Shallow and Justice Silence.SHALLOW Come on, come on, come on. Give me your hand, sir, give me your hand, sir. An early stirrer, by the rood. And how doth my good cousin Silence?SILENCE Good morrow, good cousin Shallow.SHALLOW 5And how doth my cousin your bedfellow? And your fairest daughter and mine, my goddaughter Ellen?SILENCE Alas, a black ousel, cousin Shallow.SHALLOW By yea and no, sir. I dare say my cousin10 William is become a good scholar. He is at Oxford still, is he not?SILENCE Indeed, sir, to my cost.SHALLOW He must then to the Inns o’ Court shortly. I was once of Clement’s Inn, where I think they will15 talk of mad Shallow yet.SILENCE You were called “Lusty Shallow” then, cousin.SHALLOW By the Mass, I was called anything, and I would have done anything indeed too, and roundly20 too. There was I, and little John Doit of Staffordshire, and black George Barnes, and Francis Pickbone, and Will Squele, a Cotswold man. You had not four such swinge-bucklers in all the Inns o’ Court again. And I may say to you, we knew where25 the bona robas were and had the best of them all at commandment. Then was Jack Falstaff, now Sir John, a boy, and page to Thomas Mowbray, Duke of Norfolk.SILENCE This Sir John, cousin, that comes hither anon30 about soldiers?SHALLOW The same Sir John, the very same. I see him break Scoggin’s head at the court gate, when he was a crack not thus high; and the very same day did
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I fight with one Sampson Stockfish, a fruiterer,35 behind Grey’s Inn. Jesu, Jesu, the mad days that I have spent! And to see how many of my old acquaintance are dead.SILENCE We shall all follow, cousin.SHALLOW Certain, ’tis certain, very sure, very sure.40 Death, as the Psalmist saith, is certain to all. All shall die. How a good yoke of bullocks at ⟨Stamford⟩ Fair?SILENCE By my troth, ⟨cousin,⟩ I was not there.SHALLOW Death is certain. Is old Dooble of your town45 living yet?SILENCE Dead, sir.SHALLOW Jesu, Jesu, dead! He drew a good bow, and dead? He shot a fine shoot. John o’ Gaunt loved him well, and betted much money on his head. Dead! He50 would have clapped i’ th’ clout at twelve score, and carried you a forehand shaft a fourteen and fourteen and a half, that it would have done a man’s heart good to see. How a score of ewes now?SILENCE Thereafter as they be, a score of good ewes55 may be worth ten pounds.SHALLOW And is old Dooble dead?SILENCE Here come two of Sir John Falstaff’s men, as I think.Enter Bardolph and one with him.⟨SHALLOW⟩ Good morrow, honest gentlemen.BARDOLPH 60I beseech you, which is Justice Shallow?SHALLOW I am Robert Shallow, sir, a poor esquire of this county and one of the King’s justices of the peace. What is your good pleasure with me?BARDOLPH My captain, sir, commends him to you, my65 captain, Sir John Falstaff, a tall gentleman, by heaven, and a most gallant leader.
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SHALLOW He greets me well, sir. I knew him a good backsword man. How doth the good knight? May I ask how my lady his wife doth?BARDOLPH 70Sir, pardon. A soldier is better ⟨accommodated⟩ than with a wife.SHALLOW It is well said, in faith, sir, and it is well said indeed too. “Better accommodated.” It is good, yea, indeed is it. Good phrases are surely, and ever75 were, very commendable. “Accommodated.” It comes of accommodo. Very good, a good phrase.BARDOLPH Pardon, sir, I have heard the word— “phrase” call you it? By this day, I know not the phrase, but I will maintain the word with my sword80 to be a soldierlike word, and a word of exceeding good command, by heaven. “Accommodated,” that is when a man is, as they say, accommodated, or when a man is being whereby he may be thought to be accommodated, which is an excellent thing.Enter Falstaff.SHALLOW 85It is very just. Look, here comes good Sir John.—Give me your good hand, give me your Worship’s good hand. By my troth, you like well and bear your years very well. Welcome, good Sir John.FALSTAFF I am glad to see you well, good Master90 Robert Shallow.—Master ⟨Sure-card,⟩ as I think?SHALLOW No, Sir John. It is my cousin Silence, in commission with me.FALSTAFF Good Master Silence, it well befits you should be of the peace.SILENCE 95Your good Worship is welcome.FALSTAFF Fie, this is hot weather, gentlemen. Have you provided me here half a dozen sufficient men?SHALLOW Marry, have we, sir. Will you sit?⌜They sit at a table.⌝
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FALSTAFF Let me see them, I beseech you.SHALLOW 100Where’s the roll? Where’s the roll? Where’s the roll? Let me see, let me see, let me see. So, so, so, so, so. So, so. Yea, marry, sir.—Rafe Mouldy!— Let them appear as I call, let them do so, let them do so.⌜Enter Mouldy, followed by Shadow, Wart, Feeble,
and Bullcalf.⌝105 Let me see, where is Mouldy?MOULDY, ⌜coming forward⌝ Here, an it please you.SHALLOW What think you, Sir John? A good-limbed fellow, young, strong, and of good friends.FALSTAFF Is thy name Mouldy?MOULDY 110Yea, an ’t please you.FALSTAFF ’Tis the more time thou wert used.SHALLOW Ha, ha, ha, most excellent, i’ faith! Things that are mouldy lack use. Very singular good, in faith. Well said, Sir John, very well said.⟨FALSTAFF 115Prick him.⟩⌜Shallow marks the scroll.⌝MOULDY I was pricked well enough before, an you could have let me alone. My old dame will be undone now for one to do her husbandry and her drudgery. You need not to have pricked me. There120 are other men fitter to go out than I.FALSTAFF Go to. Peace, Mouldy. You shall go. Mouldy, it is time you were spent.MOULDY Spent?SHALLOW Peace, fellow, peace. Stand aside. Know you125 where you are?—For th’ other, Sir John. Let me see.—Simon Shadow!FALSTAFF Yea, marry, let me have him to sit under. He’s like to be a cold soldier.SHALLOW Where’s Shadow?
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SHADOW, ⌜coming forward⌝ 130Here, sir.FALSTAFF Shadow, whose son art thou?SHADOW My mother’s son, sir.FALSTAFF Thy mother’s son! Like enough, and thy father’s shadow. So the son of the female is the135 shadow of the male. It is often so, indeed, but much of the father’s substance.SHALLOW Do you like him, Sir John?FALSTAFF Shadow will serve for summer. Prick him, for we have a number of shadows ⟨to⟩ fill up the140 muster book.SHALLOW Thomas Wart!FALSTAFF Where’s he?WART, ⌜coming forward⌝ Here, sir.FALSTAFF Is thy name Wart?WART 145Yea, sir.FALSTAFF Thou art a very ragged wart.SHALLOW Shall I prick him ⟨down,⟩ Sir John?FALSTAFF It were superfluous, for ⟨his⟩ apparel is built upon his back, and the whole frame stands upon150 pins. Prick him no more.SHALLOW Ha, ha, ha. You can do it, sir, you can do it. I commend you well.—Francis Feeble!FEEBLE, ⌜coming forward⌝ Here, sir.SHALLOW What trade art thou, Feeble?FEEBLE 155A woman’s tailor, sir.SHALLOW Shall I prick him, sir?FALSTAFF You may, but if he had been a man’s tailor, he’d ha’ pricked you.—Wilt thou make as many holes in an enemy’s battle as thou hast done in a160 woman’s petticoat?FEEBLE I will do my good will, sir. You can have no more.FALSTAFF Well said, good woman’s tailor, well said, courageous Feeble. Thou wilt be as valiant as the
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165 wrathful dove or most magnanimous mouse.— Prick the woman’s tailor well, Master Shallow, deep, Master Shallow.FEEBLE I would Wart might have gone, sir.FALSTAFF I would thou wert a man’s tailor, that thou170 mightst mend him and make him fit to go. I cannot put him to a private soldier that is the leader of so many thousands. Let that suffice, most forcible Feeble.FEEBLE It shall suffice, sir.FALSTAFF 175I am bound to thee, reverend Feeble.—Who is ⟨the⟩ next?SHALLOW Peter Bullcalf o’ th’ green.FALSTAFF Yea, marry, let’s see Bullcalf.BULLCALF, ⌜coming forward⌝ Here, sir.FALSTAFF 180Fore God, a likely fellow. Come, prick ⟨me⟩ Bullcalf till he roar again.BULLCALF O Lord, good my lord captain—FALSTAFF What, dost thou roar before thou art pricked?BULLCALF 185O Lord, sir, I am a diseased man.FALSTAFF What disease hast thou?BULLCALF A whoreson cold, sir, a cough, sir, which I caught with ringing in the King’s affairs upon his coronation day, sir.FALSTAFF 190Come, thou shalt go to the wars in a gown. We will have away thy cold, and I will take such order that thy friends shall ring for thee.—Is here all?SHALLOW Here is two more called than your number.195 You must have but four here, sir, and so I pray you go in with me to dinner.FALSTAFF Come, I will go drink with you, but I cannot tarry dinner. I am glad to see you, by my troth, Master Shallow.
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SHALLOW 200O, Sir John, do you remember since we lay all night in the windmill in Saint George’s Field?FALSTAFF No more of that, ⟨good⟩ Master Shallow, ⟨no more of that.⟩SHALLOW Ha, ’twas a merry night. And is Jane Nightwork205 alive?FALSTAFF She lives, Master Shallow.SHALLOW She never could away with me.FALSTAFF Never, never. She would always say she could not abide Master Shallow.SHALLOW 210By the Mass, I could anger her to th’ heart. She was then a bona roba. Doth she hold her own well?FALSTAFF Old, old, Master Shallow.SHALLOW Nay, she must be old. She cannot choose but215 be old. Certain, she’s old, and had Robin Nightwork by old Nightwork before I came to Clement’s Inn.SILENCE That’s fifty-five year ago.SHALLOW Ha, cousin Silence, that thou hadst seen that that this knight and I have seen!—Ha, Sir John, said220 I well?FALSTAFF We have heard the chimes at midnight, Master Shallow.SHALLOW That we have, that we have, that we have. In faith, Sir John, we have. Our watchword was “Hem,225 boys.” Come, let’s to dinner, come, let’s to dinner. Jesus, the days that we have seen! Come, come.⌜Shallow, Silence, and Falstaff rise and⌝ exit.BULLCALF Good Master Corporate Bardolph, stand my friend, and here’s four Harry ten-shillings in French crowns for you. ⌜He gives Bardolph money.⌝230 In very truth, sir, I had as lief be hanged, sir, as go. And yet, for mine own part, sir, I do not care, but rather because I am unwilling, and, for mine own part, have a desire to stay with my friends. Else, sir, I did not care, for mine own part, so much.
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BARDOLPH 235Go to. Stand aside.MOULDY And, good Master Corporal Captain, for my old dame’s sake, stand my friend. She has nobody to do anything about her when I am gone, and she is old and cannot help herself. You shall have forty,240 sir.⌜He gives money.⌝BARDOLPH Go to. Stand aside.FEEBLE By my troth, I care not. A man can die but once. We owe God a death. I’ll ne’er bear a base mind. An ’t be my destiny, so; an ’t be not, so. No245 man’s too good to serve ’s prince, and let it go which way it will, he that dies this year is quit for the next.BARDOLPH Well said. Th’ art a good fellow.FEEBLE Faith, I’ll bear no base mind.Enter Falstaff and the Justices.FALSTAFF 250Come, sir, which men shall I have?SHALLOW Four of which you please.BARDOLPH, ⌜aside to Falstaff⌝ Sir, a word with you. I have three pound to free Mouldy and Bullcalf.FALSTAFF Go to, well.SHALLOW 255Come, Sir John, which four will you have?FALSTAFF Do you choose for me.SHALLOW Marry, then, Mouldy, Bullcalf, Feeble, and Shadow.FALSTAFF Mouldy and Bullcalf! For you, Mouldy, stay260 at home till you are past service.—And for your part, Bullcalf, grow till you come unto it. I will none of you.⌜Mouldy and Bullcalf exit.⌝SHALLOW Sir John, Sir John, do not yourself wrong. They are your likeliest men, and I would have you265 served with the best.FALSTAFF Will you tell me, Master Shallow, how to choose a man? Care I for the limb, the thews, the
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stature, bulk and big assemblance of a man? Give me the spirit, Master Shallow. Here’s Wart. You see270 what a ragged appearance it is. He shall charge you and discharge you with the motion of a pewterer’s hammer, come off and on swifter than he that gibbets on the brewer’s bucket. And this same half-faced fellow, Shadow, give me this man. He presents275 no mark to the enemy. The foeman may with as great aim level at the edge of a penknife. And for a retreat, how swiftly will this Feeble, the woman’s tailor, run off! O, give me the spare men, and spare me the great ones.—Put me a caliver into Wart’s280 hand, Bardolph.BARDOLPH, ⌜giving Wart a musket⌝ Hold, Wart. Traverse. Thas, thas, thas.FALSTAFF, ⌜to Wart⌝ Come, manage me your caliver: so, very well, go to, very good, exceeding good. O, give285 me always a little, lean, old, chopped, bald shot. Well said, i’ faith, Wart. Th’ art a good scab. Hold, there’s a tester for thee.⌜He gives Wart money.⌝SHALLOW He is not his craft’s master. He doth not do it right. I remember at Mile End Green, when I lay at290 Clement’s Inn—I was then Sir Dagonet in Arthur’s show—there was a little quiver fellow, and he would manage you his piece thus. ⌜Shallow performs
with the musket.⌝ And he would about and about, and come you in, and come you in. “Rah,295 tah, tah,” would he say. “Bounce,” would he say, and away again would he go, and again would he come. I shall ne’er see such a fellow.FALSTAFF These fellows will do well, Master Shallow. —God keep you, Master Silence. I will not use300 many words with you. Fare you well, gentlemen both. I thank you. I must a dozen mile tonight.— Bardolph, give the soldiers coats.
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SHALLOW Sir John, the Lord bless you. God prosper your affairs. God send us peace. At your return, visit305 our house. Let our old acquaintance be renewed. Peradventure I will with you to the court.FALSTAFF Fore God, would you would, ⟨Master Shallow.⟩SHALLOW Go to. I have spoke at a word. God keep you.FALSTAFF 310Fare you well, gentle gentlemen.⌜Shallow and Silence⌝ exit. On, Bardolph. Lead the men away.⌜All but Falstaff exit.⌝ As I return, I will fetch off these justices. I do see the bottom of Justice Shallow. Lord, Lord, how subject we old men are to this vice of lying. This315 same starved justice hath done nothing but prate to me of the wildness of his youth and the feats he hath done about Turnbull Street, and every third word a lie, duer paid to the hearer than the Turk’s tribute. I do remember him at Clement’s Inn, like a man320 made after supper of a cheese paring. When he was naked, he was, for all the world, like a forked radish with a head fantastically carved upon it with a knife. He was so forlorn that his dimensions to any thick sight were invincible. He was the very325 genius of famine, [yet lecherous as a monkey, and the whores called him “mandrake.”] He came ⟨ever⟩ in the rearward of the fashion, [and sung those tunes to the overscutched huswives that he heard the carmen whistle, and swore they were his330 fancies or his good-nights.] And now is this Vice’s dagger become a squire, and talks as familiarly of John o’ Gaunt as if he had been sworn brother to him, and I’ll be sworn he ne’er saw him but once in the tilt-yard, and then he burst his head335 for crowding among the Marshal’s men. I saw it and told John o’ Gaunt he beat his own name, for
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you might have thrust him and all his apparel into an eel-skin; the case of a treble hautboy was a mansion for him, a court. And now has he land and340 beefs. Well, I’ll be acquainted with him if I return, and ’t shall go hard but I’ll make him a philosopher’s two stones to me. If the young dace be a bait for the old pike, I see no reason in the law of nature but I may snap at him. Let time shape, and345 there an end.⌜He exits.⌝
Henry IV, Part 2
