Enter the Prince ⌜and⌝ Poins.PRINCE Before God, I am exceeding weary.POINS Is ’t come to that? I had thought weariness durst not have attached one of so high blood.PRINCE Faith, it does me, though it discolors the complexion5 of my greatness to acknowledge it. Doth it not show vilely in me to desire small beer?POINS Why, a prince should not be so loosely studied as to remember so weak a composition.
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PRINCE Belike then my appetite was not princely got,10 for, by my troth, I do now remember the poor creature small beer. But indeed these humble considerations make me out of love with my greatness. What a disgrace is it to me to remember thy name, or to know thy face tomorrow, or to take note how15 many pair of silk stockings thou hast—with these, and those that were thy peach-colored ⟨ones⟩—or to bear the inventory of thy shirts, as, one for superfluity and another for use. But that the tennis-court keeper knows better than I, for it is a low ebb of20 linen with thee when thou keepest not racket there, as thou hast not done a great while, because the rest of the low countries have ⟨made a shift to⟩ eat up thy holland; [and God knows whether those that bawl out the ruins of thy linen shall inherit His kingdom;25 but the midwives say the children are not in the fault, whereupon the world increases and kindreds are mightily strengthened.]POINS How ill it follows, after you have labored so hard, you should talk so idly! Tell me, how many30 good young princes would do so, their fathers being so sick as yours at this time is?PRINCE Shall I tell thee one thing, Poins?POINS Yes, faith, and let it be an excellent good thing.PRINCE It shall serve among wits of no higher breeding35 than thine.POINS Go to. I stand the push of your one thing that you will tell.PRINCE Marry, I tell thee it is not meet that I should be sad, now my father is sick—albeit I could tell to40 thee, as to one it pleases me, for fault of a better, to call my friend, I could be sad, and sad indeed too.POINS Very hardly, upon such a subject.
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PRINCE By this hand, thou thinkest me as far in the devil’s book as thou and Falstaff for obduracy and45 persistency. Let the end try the man. But I tell thee, my heart bleeds inwardly that my father is so sick; and keeping such vile company as thou art hath in reason taken from me all ostentation of sorrow.POINS The reason?PRINCE 50What wouldst thou think of me if I should weep?POINS I would think thee a most princely hypocrite.PRINCE It would be every man’s thought, and thou art a blessed fellow to think as every man thinks. Never55 a man’s thought in the world keeps the roadway better than thine. Every man would think me an hypocrite indeed. And what accites your most worshipful thought to think so?POINS Why, because you have been so lewd and so60 much engraffed to Falstaff.PRINCE And to thee.POINS By this light, I am well spoke on. I can hear it with mine own ears. The worst that they can say of me is that I am a second brother, and that I am a65 proper fellow of my hands; and those two things, I confess, I cannot help. By the Mass, here comes Bardolph.Enter Bardolph and ⌜Page.⌝PRINCE And the boy that I gave Falstaff. He had him from me Christian, and look if the fat villain have70 not transformed him ape.BARDOLPH God save your Grace.PRINCE And yours, most noble Bardolph.POINS, ⌜to Bardolph⌝ Come, you virtuous ass, you bashful fool, must you be blushing? Wherefore blush75 you now? What a maidenly man-at-arms are you
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become! Is ’t such a matter to get a pottle-pot’s maidenhead?PAGE He calls me ⌜e’en now,⌝ my lord, through a red lattice, and I could discern no part of his face from80 the window. At last I spied his eyes, and methought he had made two holes in the ale-wife’s ⟨new⟩ petticoat and so peeped through.PRINCE Has not the boy profited?BARDOLPH, ⌜to Page⌝ Away, you whoreson upright ⟨rabbit⟩,85 away!PAGE Away, you rascally Althea’s dream, away!PRINCE Instruct us, boy. What dream, boy?PAGE Marry, my lord, Althea dreamt she was delivered of a firebrand, and therefore I call him her dream.PRINCE 90A crown’s worth of good interpretation. There ’tis, boy.⌜He gives the Page money.⌝POINS O, that this ⟨good⟩ blossom could be kept from cankers! Well, there is sixpence to preserve thee.⌜He gives the Page money.⌝BARDOLPH An you do not make him ⟨be⟩ hanged among95 you, the gallows shall have wrong.PRINCE And how doth thy master, Bardolph?BARDOLPH Well, my ⟨good⟩ lord. He heard of your Grace’s coming to town. There’s a letter for you.⌜He gives the Prince a paper.⌝POINS Delivered with good respect. And how doth the100 Martlemas your master?BARDOLPH In bodily health, sir.POINS Marry, the immortal part needs a physician, but that moves not him. Though that be sick, it dies not.PRINCE I do allow this wen to be as familiar with me as105 my dog, and he holds his place, for look you how he writes.⌜He shows the letter to Poins.⌝POINS ⌜reads the superscription⌝ John Falstaff, knight. Every man must know that as oft as he has occasion
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to name himself, even like those that are kin to the110 King, for they never prick their finger but they say “There’s some of the King’s blood spilt.” “How comes that?” says he that takes upon him not to conceive. The answer is as ready as a ⌜borrower’s⌝ cap: “I am the King’s poor cousin, sir.”PRINCE 115Nay, they will be kin to us, or they will fetch it from Japheth. But ⟨to⟩ the letter: ⌜Reads.⌝ Sir John
Falstaff, knight, to the son of the King nearest his
father, Harry Prince of Wales, greeting.POINS Why, this is a certificate.PRINCE 120Peace! ⌜Reads.⌝ I will imitate the honorable Romans in
brevity.POINS He sure means brevity in breath, short-winded.⌜PRINCE reads⌝ I commend me to thee, I commend thee,
125 and I leave thee. Be not too familiar with Poins, for he
misuses thy favors so much that he swears thou art to
marry his sister Nell. Repent at idle times as thou
mayst, and so farewell.
Thine by yea and no, which is as much as
130 to say, as thou usest him,
Jack Falstaff with my ⟨familiars,⟩
John with my brothers and sisters, and
Sir John with all Europe.POINS My lord, I’ll steep this letter in sack and make135 him eat it.PRINCE That’s to make him eat twenty of his words. But do you use me thus, Ned? Must I marry your sister?POINS God send the wench no worse fortune! But I140 never said so.PRINCE Well, thus we play the fools with the time, and the spirits of the wise sit in the clouds and mock us. ⌜To Bardolph.⌝ Is your master here in London?BARDOLPH Yea, my lord.
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PRINCE 145Where sups he? Doth the old boar feed in the old frank?BARDOLPH At the old place, my lord, in Eastcheap.PRINCE What company?PAGE Ephesians, my lord, of the old church.PRINCE 150Sup any women with him?PAGE None, my lord, but old Mistress Quickly and Mistress Doll Tearsheet.PRINCE What pagan may that be?PAGE A proper gentlewoman, sir, and a kinswoman of155 my master’s.PRINCE Even such kin as the parish heifers are to the town bull.—Shall we steal upon them, Ned, at supper?POINS I am your shadow, my lord. I’ll follow you.PRINCE 160Sirrah—you, boy—and Bardolph, no word to your master that I am yet come to town. There’s for your silence.⌜He gives money.⌝BARDOLPH I have no tongue, sir.PAGE And for mine, sir, I will govern it.PRINCE 165Fare you well. Go.⌜Bardolph and Page exit.⌝ This Doll Tearsheet should be some road.POINS I warrant you, as common as the way between Saint Albans and London.PRINCE How might we see Falstaff bestow himself170 tonight in his true colors, and not ourselves be seen?POINS Put on two leathern jerkins and aprons, and wait upon him at his table as drawers.PRINCE From a god to a bull: a heavy descension. It175 was Jove’s case. From a ⟨prince⟩ to a ’prentice: a low transformation that shall be mine, for in everything the purpose must weigh with the folly. Follow me, Ned.They exit.
Henry IV, Part 2
