Enter Prince of Wales, and Sir John Falstaff.FALSTAFF Now, Hal, what time of day is it, lad?PRINCE Thou art so fat-witted with drinking of old sack, and unbuttoning thee after supper, and sleeping upon benches after noon, that thou hast5 forgotten to demand that truly which thou wouldst truly know. What a devil hast thou to do with the time of the day? Unless hours were cups of sack, and minutes capons, and clocks the tongues
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of bawds, and dials the signs of leaping-houses,10 and the blessed sun himself a fair hot wench in flame-colored taffeta, I see no reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to demand the time of the day.FALSTAFF Indeed, you come near me now, Hal, for we15 that take purses go by the moon and the seven stars, and not by Phoebus, he, that wand’ring knight so fair. And I prithee, sweet wag, when thou art king, as God save thy Grace—Majesty, I should say, for grace thou wilt have none—PRINCE 20What, none?FALSTAFF No, by my troth, not so much as will serve to be prologue to an egg and butter.PRINCE Well, how then? Come, roundly, roundly.FALSTAFF Marry then, sweet wag, when thou art king,25 let not us that are squires of the night’s body be called thieves of the day’s beauty. Let us be Diana’s foresters, gentlemen of the shade, minions of the moon, and let men say we be men of good government, being governed, as the sea is, by our noble30 and chaste mistress the moon, under whose countenance we steal.PRINCE Thou sayest well, and it holds well too, for the fortune of us that are the moon’s men doth ebb and flow like the sea, being governed, as the sea is, by35 the moon. As for proof now: a purse of gold most resolutely snatched on Monday night and most dissolutely spent on Tuesday morning, got with swearing “Lay by” and spent with crying “Bring in”; now in as low an ebb as the foot of the ladder,40 and by and by in as high a flow as the ridge of the gallows.FALSTAFF By the Lord, thou sayst true, lad. And is not my hostess of the tavern a most sweet wench?
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PRINCE As the honey of Hybla, my old lad of the castle.45 And is not a buff jerkin a most sweet robe of durance?FALSTAFF How now, how now, mad wag? What, in thy quips and thy quiddities? What a plague have I to do with a buff jerkin?PRINCE 50Why, what a pox have I to do with my hostess of the tavern?FALSTAFF Well, thou hast called her to a reckoning many a time and oft.PRINCE Did I ever call for thee to pay thy part?FALSTAFF 55No, I’ll give thee thy due. Thou hast paid all there.PRINCE Yea, and elsewhere, so far as my coin would stretch, and where it would not, I have used my credit.FALSTAFF 60Yea, and so used it that were it not here apparent that thou art heir apparent—But I prithee, sweet wag, shall there be gallows standing in England when thou art king? And resolution thus fubbed as it is with the rusty curb of old father Antic65 the law? Do not thou, when thou art king, hang a thief.PRINCE No, thou shalt.FALSTAFF Shall I? O rare! By the Lord, I’ll be a brave judge.PRINCE 70Thou judgest false already. I mean thou shalt have the hanging of the thieves, and so become a rare hangman.FALSTAFF Well, Hal, well, and in some sort it jumps with my humor as well as waiting in the court, I75 can tell you.PRINCE For obtaining of suits?FALSTAFF Yea, for obtaining of suits, whereof the hangman hath no lean wardrobe. ’Sblood, I am as melancholy as a gib cat or a lugged bear.
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PRINCE 80Or an old lion, or a lover’s lute.FALSTAFF Yea, or the drone of a Lincolnshire bagpipe.PRINCE What sayest thou to a hare, or the melancholy of Moorditch?FALSTAFF Thou hast the most unsavory ⌜similes,⌝ and85 art indeed the most comparative, rascaliest, sweet young prince. But, Hal, I prithee trouble me no more with vanity. I would to God thou and I knew where a commodity of good names were to be bought. An old lord of the council rated me the90 other day in the street about you, sir, but I marked him not, and yet he talked very wisely, but I regarded him not, and yet he talked wisely, and in the street, too.PRINCE Thou didst well, for wisdom cries out in the95 streets and no man regards it.FALSTAFF O, thou hast damnable iteration, and art indeed able to corrupt a saint. Thou hast done much harm upon me, Hal, God forgive thee for it. Before I knew thee, Hal, I knew nothing, and now100 am I, if a man should speak truly, little better than one of the wicked. I must give over this life, and I will give it over. By the Lord, an I do not, I am a villain. I’ll be damned for never a king’s son in Christendom.PRINCE 105Where shall we take a purse tomorrow, Jack?FALSTAFF Zounds, where thou wilt, lad. I’ll make one. An I do not, call me villain and baffle me.PRINCE I see a good amendment of life in thee, from praying to purse-taking.FALSTAFF 110Why, Hal, ’tis my vocation, Hal. ’Tis no sin for a man to labor in his vocation. Enter Poins. Poins!—Now shall we know if Gadshill have set a match. O, if men were to be saved by merit, what
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hole in hell were hot enough for him? This is the115 most omnipotent villain that ever cried “Stand!” to a true man.PRINCE Good morrow, Ned.POINS Good morrow, sweet Hal.—What says Monsieur Remorse? What says Sir John Sack-and-Sugar?120 Jack, how agrees the devil and thee about thy soul that thou soldest him on Good Friday last for a cup of Madeira and a cold capon’s leg?PRINCE Sir John stands to his word. The devil shall have his bargain, for he was never yet a breaker of125 proverbs. He will give the devil his due.POINS, ⌜to Falstaff⌝ Then art thou damned for keeping thy word with the devil.PRINCE Else he had been damned for cozening the devil.POINS 130But, my lads, my lads, tomorrow morning, by four o’clock early at Gad’s Hill, there are pilgrims going to Canterbury with rich offerings, and traders riding to London with fat purses. I have vizards for you all. You have horses for yourselves. Gadshill lies135 tonight in Rochester. I have bespoke supper tomorrow night in Eastcheap. We may do it as secure as sleep. If you will go, I will stuff your purses full of crowns. If you will not, tarry at home and be hanged.FALSTAFF 140Hear you, Yedward, if I tarry at home and go not, I’ll hang you for going.POINS You will, chops?FALSTAFF Hal, wilt thou make one?PRINCE Who, I rob? I a thief? Not I, by my faith.FALSTAFF 145There’s neither honesty, manhood, nor good fellowship in thee, nor thou cam’st not of the blood royal, if thou darest not stand for ten shillings.PRINCE Well then, once in my days I’ll be a madcap.FALSTAFF 150Why, that’s well said.
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PRINCE Well, come what will, I’ll tarry at home.FALSTAFF By the Lord, I’ll be a traitor then when thou art king.PRINCE I care not.POINS 155Sir John, I prithee leave the Prince and me alone. I will lay him down such reasons for this adventure that he shall go.FALSTAFF Well, God give thee the spirit of persuasion, and him the ears of profiting, that what thou160 speakest may move, and what he hears may be believed, that the true prince may, for recreation sake, prove a false thief, for the poor abuses of the time want countenance. Farewell. You shall find me in Eastcheap.PRINCE 165Farewell, ⌜thou⌝ latter spring. Farewell, Allhallown summer. ⌜Falstaff exits.⌝POINS Now, my good sweet honey lord, ride with us tomorrow. I have a jest to execute that I cannot manage alone. Falstaff, ⌜Peto, Bardolph,⌝ and Gadshill170 shall rob those men that we have already waylaid. Yourself and I will not be there. And when they have the booty, if you and I do not rob them, cut this head off from my shoulders.PRINCE How shall we part with them in setting forth?POINS 175Why, we will set forth before or after them, and appoint them a place of meeting, wherein it is at our pleasure to fail; and then will they adventure upon the exploit themselves, which they shall have no sooner achieved but we’ll set upon them.PRINCE 180Yea, but ’tis like that they will know us by our horses, by our habits, and by every other appointment to be ourselves.POINS Tut, our horses they shall not see; I’ll tie them in the wood. Our vizards we will change after we185 leave them. And, sirrah, I have cases of buckram for the nonce, to immask our noted outward garments.
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PRINCE Yea, but I doubt they will be too hard for us.POINS Well, for two of them, I know them to be as190 true-bred cowards as ever turned back; and for the third, if he fight longer than he sees reason, I’ll forswear arms. The virtue of this jest will be the incomprehensible lies that this same fat rogue will tell us when we meet at supper: how thirty at least195 he fought with, what wards, what blows, what extremities he endured; and in the reproof of this lives the jest.PRINCE Well, I’ll go with thee. Provide us all things necessary and meet me tomorrow night in Eastcheap.200 There I’ll sup. Farewell.POINS Farewell, my lord. Poins exits.PRINCE I know you all, and will awhile uphold The unyoked humor of your idleness. Yet herein will I imitate the sun,205 Who doth permit the base contagious clouds To smother up his beauty from the world, That, when he please again to be himself, Being wanted, he may be more wondered at By breaking through the foul and ugly mists210 Of vapors that did seem to strangle him. If all the year were playing holidays, To sport would be as tedious as to work, But when they seldom come, they wished-for come, And nothing pleaseth but rare accidents.215 So when this loose behavior I throw off And pay the debt I never promisèd, By how much better than my word I am, By so much shall I falsify men’s hopes; And, like bright metal on a sullen ground,220 My reformation, glitt’ring o’er my fault, Shall show more goodly and attract more eyes Than that which hath no foil to set it off.
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I’ll so offend to make offense a skill, Redeeming time when men think least I will. He exits.
